~ Something ~

“    Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.............” 

~ Searching .... Wondering ..... Surrender ...~

" Whoever does not find happiness in the remembrance of Allah, prayer, and reciting the Qur'an, will not find it anywhere else " -Hasan Al Basri(rahimuallah)....

I hold to these words tightly and keep in my heart. To help me grow and stay alive .....

For years ... I'm trying to figure out .. what is missing in my life ! ....

Marriage is not easy ... further more being a second wife ... you have to sacrifice in order to survive .. you have to swallow whatever comes your way, coz you are the second wife ... no power .. you got to take all the blames ... no matter what.....

The impact for being in these circumstances ... drives me crazy ... enough is enough ...

For years, I hide all these suffering from my family and friends ... showed them the fake smile ....

When everything comes to the surface ... everybody asks me .. Why do I stay ? .. What take you so long ? ..

As a muslim woman .. I place Allah above everything else ... whatever actions or every words that I speak ..... I gave a deep thoughts before I proceed ... I fear Allah more than anything else ! ... I want to be a good woman !...

People can say mean and harsh things .... and you can rise above the nastiness. When you feel as though you are the only candle in the wilderness and everyone is trying to blow out your flame, and the one person who should protect the flame is also trying to blow it out, you lose confidence....

I’m not angry anymore. I just simply don’t care. I love my children, and don’t want to lose them. But, I don’t care about this person to whom I am tied for the rest of my life...... when he walked out the door ... I realize ... its the end of my journey with him ....

Life must goes on ... I surrender to you Allah ...

~ The Gifts ~

(this is where I found the fish)

21st August 2011 .....


" Umi ... come quickly " fatin, my third daughter shouted from downstairs as she opened the front door.
" What !!! " I shouted back at her, while running down the stairs.
" Look ! " She pointed at something black infront her car.

It's a fish just infront her car. Wondering from where this fish come from. Its heavy rain last night, but nobody here got fish pond , no river nearby also. So where on earth this fish come from.

I called my relative asking what should I do with this fish. All telling me to keep this fish.
Hmmmm ... I have no other option than to keep it.

Further more they said it is ramadhan the blessed month .. so maybe there is something Allah wants to show me .



22nd August 2011 .........

(Puteri Arsyhia Adnie At-Terawis)



That afternoon ........Nabila my eldest daughter called me ... complaining labor pain . I tried to calm her and asked to do some wirid . I urge my son-inlaw to take her to hospital qucikly. I can't accompany her as I stayed quite far and have to wait for Fatin to come back.

A few minutes before 7.00 pm .... got a message from my son-inlaw he got a baby girl .... Alhamdulilah .....

“I DON’T MIND WHAT HAPPENS”

Thats the powerful statement I came across this morning.
Not minding what happens means being ONE with the Universe, being in sync with the world and the present moment, accepting and not resisting THE NOW.

Being at ease with what IT IS, AS IS, is the key to bring extreme and total comfort and peace of mind into our life. Every single experience in our life serves a greater purpose. Thus we ought to stop mentally labeling every situation or event that happens in our life as either good or bad, by breaking this habit, you prevent yourself from participating in human drama and thus saving yourself plenty of trouble.

This does not mean that we should stop putting effort on bringing change into our life. On the contrary, like Eckhart Tolle mentions in his book “A New Earth”,

“When the basis for your actions is inner alignment with the present moment, your actions become empowered by the intelligence of Life itself”.

Life and nature are pretty wise. Our nature and all our surroundings will always be filled with priceless teachings. We shall never stop wanting to keep learning, the universe provides endless FREE education/wisdom.

“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning”.

What we’ve learned today is that we must start practicing THE ART OF NOT MINDING WHAT HAPPENS in our present moment.

The secret to happiness, OBSERVE, ACCEPT and LEARN. If our present moment still HURTS pretty severely, always remember that GOD ALMIGHTY is ALL-KNOWING. He wont leave you alone ..

Insyallah that statement will inspire me !

~ Sharing ~

yesterday was a busy and tiring day ...
I got an appointment at USIM in Ampang .... unknown place and new to me ...
while focusing on the road .......... I got a message from a friend (NFAR) .....
the message sound so sad and serious ... but I can not help ... then I really stuck to find where the USIM ...... Ohhhhhh
I hope she forgive me ... anyway I text her back "get u later" ..........

to NFAR .... I truly understand how you feel ... how I wish to hug you and tell you, how much I care ! ... but you are in penang and I'm here ...

here I got a story to share with you ....
this is the real story and not designed to please you ...

I happened to know this benggali lady who stayed in the same housing area with me ...
one day while cleaning my garden .. she came up to me .. she said " will you willing to listen to me " ......

I looked at her ... from her eyes can be seen the pain she had suffered ...

I invited her into my house and offered her a drink ... then she begin her story ...
she was abandoned by her husband (an ex police officer age 65 yrs) who stayed with his girlfriend ... and asked her to get out from the house ... and now she stayed with one indian family ... about five to six houses away from her husband ...

I had a talk with that indian family ... and they confirmed to me about the story.
what surprised me is that ... my daughter who went to work as early as 6.30 am, and saw her standing at the front gate of her husband's house ... my daughter said, every morning she was there ....... Ohhhhh ..

one day I saw her walking in front of my house ... called her in and asking her why she did all that ... her answer was simple " I still love him, and will never forget him, and believe he will return back to me " ...

I was speechless and stunned by her answer .... what else can I say ...

from that day .... I never disturb her anymore ... just watching her from far ...
walking here and there alone .... ( so sad to see her like that )

one afternoon while preparing for my zuhur salat, I heard an ambulance in front of that indian house, saw many people .... finished my salat I quickly went to that house ........ I was so shocked when informed, she had passed away and refused taking any foods for many days .........

I cried while walking back home ........ the tears keep streaming down my cheeks ..
I learned a lesson from this incident .......

(my friend NFAR ......... the choice is in her hand .. she can choose to let go of the pain .... and start a new life ... as we can see that her husband no longer love her ... but she keep on believing that her husband will return back one day ...

I understand the feeling of missing someone, keep seeing him everywhere .....I dont blame you for that my friend ..... but the choice is yours ... as you told me, his family had chosen other girl for him ... please my friend, do your best ... and think wisely ....
Allah knows best why He didn't give you now ..........

as I told you earlier ....
' It is said that every pot has it's lid. A pot with a wrong fitting lid is not what it could be, nor will it ever be able to be what it could be. '

(keep in touch my friend ..... always wishing you the best ... take care )

~ Siapa Yang Bodoh ? ~

Manusia memang mudah mengata bodoh kepada yang lain .. tanpa menyedari yang menuduh itulah yang bodoh ...

siapakah yang bodoh ?
Bagiku ........... manusia yang bodoh ialah yang menuruti hawa nafsunya.
Kalau kita mengaku bahawa kita beragama Islam .......insyallah segala apa yang kita hendak lakukan mestilah ada batasannya ...

Amat tidak setuju apabila ada orang mengatakan "follow your heart" atau "just do what you want to do" .......... betul ke itu ?

Mana boleh ........... setiap apa yang kita lakukan kita mesti fikirkan .......... adakah Islam benarkan atau Allah suka atau murka ? .......... kita mesti memikirkan risiko apa yang kita lakukan ... segala hal mesti kita sandarkan dengan Allah dan Islam !

Kenapa sekarang ini terlalu banyak perkara berlaku yang bercanggah dengan Islam dan tatasusila kemanusiaan ........ kenapa ? ...........manusia tidak menggunakan akal yang Allah kurniakan ........ mereka mengikut bisikan rasa hati .......... selalunya bisikan ini ialah dari syaitan .

Kita boleh lihat orang yang mempunyai degree pun boleh buang anak, boleh menipu, mencuri, berzina, dedah aurat dan bermacam-macam lagi ... kenapa ? bodoh ke mereka ? mereka golongan bijak pandai ! ......... tapi mereka letak islam di kaki, bukan di hati ..........

Kalau orang mengatakan kita bodoh .... jangan bertengkar atau ambil hati .... senyum saja ...
bisikkan dalam hati mengatakan ............ dialah yang bodoh !!!

~ A Mother's Heart ~

A mother's heart .....



“A mother's heart is always with her children.” ........ thats what a proverb said ..
and its the truth ...
I waited for my son to come back from work ... he is doing part-time job, beside his office work ... yeah I understand, he wanted to earn extra cash hoping to get married next year, insyallah ..

I heard my son knocking my door and calling my name ......
Ohh ! I had a bad dream and screaming " Yaa Allah " ... thats what my son told me.
He heard me screaming as he entered the house ... astagfirullah hal adzim ! ...
That was such a bad dream .. and I looked at my mobile ... its nearly 3.00 am ..

We had a talk ... heart to heart talk .......
We never got a chance to talk or discuss anything ... coz early in the morning he will be at the office, then after work he goes straight to his part-time job... coming by midnight ... so we never got a chance ...
we talked untill nearly 4.00 am ...
I asked him to go to sleep and dont forget about morning prayer.

My kids such a special gift for me .. truly I'm blessed to have them ..
Thank you Allah .... for giving me such a wonderful kids, who are a good listener and always there when I need them ......