Lessons ............

Aatif Abdul-Qadeer

(This article is about Yasmin Mogahed, received her B.S. Degree in Psychology and her Masters in Journalism and Mass Communications from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. After completing her graduate work, she taught Islamic Studies and served as a youth coordinator. She also worked as a writing instructor at Cardinal Stritch University and a staff columnist for the Islam section of InFocus News. Currently she’s an instructor for  AlMaghrib Institute, a writer for the Huffington Post, an international speaker, and author, where she focuses most of her work on spiritual and personal development. Yasmin recently released her new book, Reclaim Your Heart, which is now available worldwide. Visit her website, yasminmogahed.com, where you can find a collection of her articles, poetry, and lectures. )

(This is written by her husband ...

Aatif Abdul-Qadeer)

I know this will come as shocking, unexpected, and even confusing news. But this was not an abrupt decision. We have been discussing and considering this for a couple years now.

The same way we came into this marriage--smiling, holding hands, with love, mercy and kindness-- is the same way we exit it. We started it for His sake, and we decided to move on and wish each other the best for His sake. Many will wonder what 'happened'. Nothing 'happened'. There was no drama, fitna, fighting, arguing, nor anger that contributed to this decision. There's no animosity, no ill feelings. There is no regret, no sadness, no feeling of time wasted. None of that. This was khair for us. God allowed us to grow through each other, become better people, and come closer to Him as a result. We're thankful for that. Some will wonder who's to blame. There is no blame. There's nothing wrong with the other person, on the contrary, we see an abundance of good. Many will ask 'WHY?' So here it is, it's this simple: This is two people who care for each other deeply and think very highly of one another, but feel due to differences in nature, growing apart, and irresolvable incompatibility, that it's best to go their separate ways at this point. That's it. God made this permissible for a reason. He just asks us to us to 'dissolve (it) in a goodly manner, with kindness' (2:229). And so we hope and pray we're doing this in the best way. In a way that is pleasing to Him.
We fully plan and intend on having a friendly, positive relationship moving forward, cooperating together for the kids (living in close proximity so each has access to them daily) and still working on a joint seminar, various projects and programs together inshaAllah. We also have agreed to attend and speak at each others (next) weddings, inshaAllah. Yes. Seriously.

This picture of us holding hands was taken shortly before we signed and made our divorce official. We were both smiling, gave each other a final hug, and prayed the best for one another. I know this seems strange to you. But it feels so right. Like this was all meant to be, happen and end in this way. Exactly. Alhamdulillah.


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Yasmin Mogahed

A lot of commentary is flying around about my recent divorce. The words that my former husband (beautifully) strung together in his statement will never allow perfect strangers to understand the depth of a situation. Often we forget that words are only limited approximations of internal universes and life altering experience. Given the limited nature of words, many will often misunderstand them or only process them at a very surface level.

To clarify for all those who are also struggling in their marriages or who will struggle. My former husband and I did not take this decision overnight--but after *years* of effort, prayer, and counsel. We did not decide to go forward with this decision simply because we grew apart, or had different natures. Many people can grow apart and grow back together. And many people with different natures can make it work beautifully. The reason we took this decision, after years of effort and prayer, was due to irresolvable incompatibility. There was no animosity, no ill feeling--only mutual care and respect, alhamdulilah. But at the end of the day, after we have *exhausted* 'our part', it still may not work, as was the case with Zaynab (RA) and Zaid (RA) and many of the companions.

Our deen is a deen of balance and ihsan (beautiful conduct), in whatever we do. Ihsan when we get married. And ihsan when we get divorced. Islam is not a part time job. It doesn't just teach us what to do when things go our way. It teaches what to do when they don't. Islam doesn't just teach us how to walk when the weather is nice, but how to continue walking--with strength and grace--even when it's storming. This is the power of la illaha Illa Allah. No matter what happens, no matter the storm, if you hold onto the rope of Allah, you will never, ever drown.

Allahu akbar.