Wednesday, April 27, 2011

~ To Heal The Pain of Divorce ~

To heal the pain of divorce ...........

Everyone who goes through a divorce experiences pain and grief, but some may be more profoundly affected. Some do not cope as well as others. Divorce can be a traumatic experience and healing from it takes time. There are some ways you can help yourself move through the healing process.

  1. Develop a support system.

    Find those friends and family who will be there to see you through the times when you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to listen. A clergyman or professional counselor may be helpful, as you can talk openly and confidentially. After a divorce, your true friends won’t be hard to recognize, because they will be willing to help you adjust to the changes. Seek a divorce recovery group in your community, so that you can interact with others going through the same emotions.

  2. Seek professional help if needed.

    Some people get stuck in the pain of divorce, and may experience depression, whether mild or severe. In that case, it is imperative to seek professional help, through your family doctor or a licensed therapist. Don’t try to carry your burden alone.

  3. Lean on your faith.

    People who have a religious base may find this is the time they rely deeply on their faith. Even those who don’t consider themselves religious can lean on the faith in themselves that healing is taking place, and that they have the strength to pass through it.

  4. Let yourself feel your emotions.

    Now is not the time to try to hold in your feelings. Cry when you need to. Express your fears. Voice your anger. Holding in your emotions or trying to convince yourself you are fine when you aren’t is not healthy for you emotionally or physically.

  5. Journal.

    Many people find that journaling gives them a safe place to process their thoughts and feelings. Choose a journal and set a time of the day when you can write uninterrupted. This may be a time of discovery for you, of the deep seated feelings you didn’t even realize you had. The key to successful journaling is just to keep doing it. Find a safe place to keep your journal so you can have access to it but feel it is safe from others. After some time has passed, you can look back at how far you’ve come and all that you have accomplished.

  6. Don’t isolate.

    Accept the offers to go to lunch with your friends. Take a day and go out window shopping or sightseeing in your community, and ask someone along. Spend time with family and friends and don’t allow yourself to become isolated. Some time alone is good for everyone, but don’t overdo it.

  7. Be patient with yourself.

    For a while it may seem you take two steps forward and one back. Allow yourself the time it takes to heal the emotional wounds. Deal with them now so they don’t show up in your life in other ways later. Don’t expect the pain to go away too quickly, but allow yourself all the time you need. This is a very individual process, so don’t compare your progress with others.

Divorce is very painful, but the wounds do heal if you effectively deal with the thoughts and emotions that result. Reach out when you need help, and keep moving forward.

~ Warning Signs of a Troubled Marriage ~

Warning Signs of A Troubled Marriage .........

If you think your marriage is in trouble, it probably is.

Every marriage relationship is unique, but there are common warning signs and red flags that indicate problems in the marriage.

Here are some of the more common warning signs of a troubled marriage.

  • The two of you bicker a great deal.
  • You are withdrawing from one another or use the eye roll a great deal.
  • You don't fight fair.
  • There is a lot of nitpicking going on between the two of you.
  • You no longer have fun together.
  • You have nothing nice to say to one another.
  • You don't talk with one another about your problems.
  • You don't respect one another or you nag one another.
  • You can't agree on goals and values.
  • You don't trust one another and feel suspicious.
  • The level of sexual intimacy in your marriage is low.
  • Teasing has become hurtful.
  • Your spouse tries to isolate you from your family and friends.
  • You discover your spouse is lying about money.
  • You are happier when your spouse is away from home for an afternoon, a meeting, or for a business trip.
  • You realize that there is emotional and/or physical abuse in your marriage.
  • One of you has considered being unfaithful or has been unfaithful.

Scott Haltzman:
"If you're having difficulties in your marriage, you don't look outside the marriage as a place to solve it, you look within the marriage and turn to your spouse to find ways to get it better."

Monday, April 25, 2011

~ Marriage ~

Before marriage,
a man yearns for the woman he loves,
after marriage,
the "Y" becomes silent .....

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

~ When We Look Back ~

When We Look Back ........

People desire so many things and waste their days in vain...
Some yearn for gold, others for power, yet others for glory and a higher station.
But when death's moment nears and they look back at their lives,
they realize they've been happy only during those moments when they've loved.