Friday, February 27, 2009

" A Heart........................."

A Heart.................
( Mon, September 22, 2008 - 11:07 PM)

A heart lightened by love is more precious than all the gems and jewels of the world.
There are as many different kinds of hearts as there are different substances in the world.

There are hearts of metal which take a long time and much fire of love to heat, and then once heated will melt and may be molded as you wish for the moment, but soon afterwards turn cold.

There are hearts of wax which melt instantly at the sight of fire, and if there is a wick of ideal, they will keep their flame until they become nonexistent.

There are hearts of paper which are set alight by a slight touch of the fire and turn into ashes in one moment.

Love is like the fire; its glow is devotion, its flame is wisdom, its smoke is attachment, and its ashes detachment. Flame rises from glow, so it is with wisdom, which rises from devotion. When love's fire produces its flame it illuminates the devotee's path in life like a torch, and all darkness vanishes.

" We are only here for a short time................"

We are only here for a short time...............
(Fri, September 26, 2008 - 8:15 PM)

Riches and power may vanish because they are outside of us, but only that which is within can we call our own. In order to awaken love and sympathy in our hearts, sacrifices must be made. We must forget our own troubles in order to sympathize with the troubles of others.

To relieve the hunger of others we must forget our own hunger. Everybody is working for selfish ends, not caring about others, and this alone has brought about the misery in the world today. When the world is evolving from imperfection towards perfection, it needs all love and sympathy.

Great tenderness and watchfulness is required of each one of us. The heart of every man, both good and bad, is the abode of God, and care should be taken never to wound anybody by word or act. We are only here in this world for a short time; many have been here before, and have passed on, and it is for us to see that we leave behind an impression of good.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

" How Long Healing Takes...................."

How Long Healing Takes ..............
(Fri, November 30, 2007 - 2:16 AM)

Have you been struggling with a physical, emotional, financial or relationship difficulty for a long time? Do you wonder if this will go on forever? Have you told yourself or had a professional tell you that this kind of situation is serious and will take a long time to under – if ever? Do you wonder, hope and pray that there might be some way out sooner rather than later?

The timing of healing (or success of any kind) is not determined by any person or factor outside you. It is entirely up to you. Like all of life, the secret of healing is, What you believe is what you get. If you expect that healing will be long, difficult, or impossible, it will be. If you expect it to be quick, easy, and available, it will be. As Henry Ford noted, “Think you can, or think you can’t, and either way you’ll be correct.”

Healing doesn’t ask whether you have been in pain for 30 minutes or 30 years. It is always available in the now moment. Consider two rocks that have sat underwater in a streambed, one of which has been submerged for 10,000 years and the other for 10 days. If you place both rocks in the sun, they will both dry off in a short time. Likewise, if you turn on a light in a dark room it matters not whether the room has been dark for five minutes or five years; the room is just as light the moment you flip the switch.

Well-being is our natural state, and life is always seeking to return us to it. What hampers total wellness is not some outside agent, but internal resistance. All pain (physical, emotional, or spiritual) begins and is maintained by a factor of “pushing against.” As you release your resistance, healing rushes in. Life wants us to be healed and constantly moves to accomplish that; it simply awaits our cooperation. Give a blade of grass a crack in an unused sidewalk and it is only a matter of time until the grass displaces the concrete. Nature bats last, and it brings the heavy hitters to the plate in the gentlest of ways.

Our culture has instilled within us many beliefs about who and what can be healed, and how long it takes. Many of these beliefs are based on limiting thoughts to which other people have subscribed. If you do not think the same thoughts, you are not subject to the same results. While doctors or psychologists may cite statistics of what happens to people who exhibit the same symptoms as you, you are not bound to land on the same square. The only thing that determines where you land is the train of thought you take to get there. Step onto a different train, and you will arrive at a different station.

A true healer holds more of an investment in wellness than illness. He or she rejoices in getting you out of therapy rather than keeping you in it. Some people in the healing professions depend on continued visits from their patients, so they may unconsciously influence the patient to stay ill for the doctor’s or therapist’s own purposes. While it is rare that a healing professional would consciously or purposely keep a patient longer than he or she needs to stay, many do so without recognizing the underlying dynamic.

Years ago a woman at a seminar reported that she had been doing primal scream therapy for seven years. Finally she felt healthy enough to tell her therapist she was ready to leave therapy. To her surprise, the therapist told her, “You can’t leave now – you’re just getting started.”

Inferior “healers” will tell you that you will never get well. Better healers will tell you that you can or will get better over time. True healers will tell you that the healing you seek is available to you now. What a healer tells you is reflection of the models and expectations you hold. Change your attitude and you will change your prognosis. Who is the real doctor? The mind of the patient.

Begin to examine your beliefs about how long you think healing should take. How long have you been putting up with pain or a situation that is not working? How long have you not had use of a part of your life that you would rather enjoy? What do you think needs to happen before you can feel good? If you answer with any agent outside yourself, you only delay your release. Answer with “My thoughts create my life” and you are very close to the health and happiness you seek and deserve.

· If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
· If I am only for myself, what good am I?
· If not now, when?

" Ways To Heal When Love Hurts................"

8 Ways to Heal When Love Hurts...............
(Thu, November 22, 2007 - 7:37 PM)

Sometimes our loved ones hurt us. Dads can get physical or disappear from our lives. Moms can betray us with their anger and lack of support. A best friend can shock us by turning their backs on us. A spouse can be unfaithful and destroy our trust. Our children can take a destructive path that is sure to crush our heart. These are some of the big hurts in life that leave us wondering how we will ever heal.

But there are little hurts too that can build into mountains of resentment if we don't address them. Angry words are exchanged during an argument. A friend neglects your friendship. People take you for granted without even knowing it. Your child rejects you in a moment of hurt and frustration.

To hang on to hurt or anger is destructive to our emotional, spiritual, physical and relational health. It drains our energy, strains our relationships, and zaps the joy from our life. So how do we heal our heart when love hurts? Here are some suggestions to help us move beyond the hurt and get on with enjoying life.

Confront Your Anger:
Our initial reaction when someone hurts or betrays us is often anger. Maybe we feel violated or disrespected. We want to perhaps lash back and make the other person hurt. Refrain from doing that. Anger expressed when we are hurt can be distorted and damaging to our relationships. Take some time to handle your anger in another way. Talk with a trusted friend, counselor or life coach. Express your feelings in a journal or write a letter to the person who hurt you (but don't give it to them).

Seek Truth and Understanding:
How can you better understand the person who hurt you? What truth do you need to know about the other person? Sometimes people hurt us because they are hurting too. Other times people hurt us unintentionally. Ask for the truth and be willing to hear, accept and embrace it. Share your truth and help the other person understand you.

Search for the Lesson:
Experiencing pain and suffering is not easy. However, there is usually a lesson to be learned from our pain. What aren't or weren't you paying attention to? What does this experience teach you about yourself and the other person? What changes need to be made as a result of your pain? While the human drama includes pain, we have a choice in how to view it.

Give Grace:
We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Some mistakes are worse than others, and some mistakes hurt more than others. Most of us are doing the best we can in any given situation. People make choices based on their past, their belief systems, and the past and collective thought of humanity. Unfortunately, people sometimes make choices that hurt us. We need grace when we make choices that hurt our loved ones, and our loved ones need grace as well.

Accept the Love Deposits:
When we are hurt, it is sometimes difficult to accept the apologies and attempts to make amends from our loved ones. Maybe your guard has been thrown up and you're unsure if you can trust again. One way to heal a wounded heart is to allow yourself to truly feel the sincere love deposits that are made to your emotional bank account. Maybe the love will come from the person who hurt you, but maybe it will not. Seek out and embrace the love that is being given to you.

Grieve the Sadness:
With hurt comes sadness. Maybe you feel sad about what happened. Perhaps you feel sad about what you didn't receive. Sometimes the sadness is an indication that you need to grieve the loss of a dream. Allow yourself to feel the sadness - let the tears flow. Crying is good to ease your pain.

Set Appropriate Boundaries:
When our loved ones hurt us continually, we may need to set boundaries for healing to take place. A child may need to go to his room when his anger is destructive. You may need to end a conversation with someone who is hurting you. It's even possible that you need to end a relationship that is repeatedly hurting your self-esteem. Healing cannot take place if we don't take care of ourselves. And people will not begin treating us with respect until we respect ourselves.

Lastly, we need to forgive so that we can move on with life. Forgiving does not mean that we condone our loved ones behavior. It does not mean that we allow others to keep hurting us. To forgive means to give up all resentment and the desire to punish the other person. In our heart, it means we've cancelled the debt we feel others owe us.

Sometimes the only way to know love is to experience what love is not. Whatever the question, challenge or decision, love is always the answer. God is perfect love, and His desire is for us to model His character. Healing from hurts moves us closer to love.

" Sometimes Love Hurts............... "

Sometimes Love Hurts...............
(Thu, November 22, 2007 - 7:19 PM)

Sometimes love hurts. Sometimes love is so beautiful you feel like you are going to burst. You want to make love over and over. Just to make some feeble effort to show how much it aches. Your lover is happy. They dreamed of being loved like this. They dreamed that one day, someone would love them Like this.

It hurts you ache. They don’t understand. You become sensitive, you become hyper. All emotional and reactive. Strength and stability are sucked from your core. You can’t be yourself. Fragile, you want to make them happy, but it turns into advice. And you blow it. They shut to your love.

You want to love them, and there comes a destruction of their friendships and lifestyle. You want more of them, you want more and more. You are even more in love, it hurts, you do everything to relieve the pain, you try, but nothing can make this easy. You love, and the more you love, the more you hurt, crazy, madness, you just can't understand. They don’t get it and you struggle, and change and try to cope. You hurt because you love. You try every angle, every idea, nothing helps, hopeless, you're in love.

Yesterday you were fine, friends and family, they even liked you, understood you. But now you are different, pathetic, not yourself. Not the one you thought you were. Vulnerable, it’s impossible, you can’t live with yourself. You want to marry and merge and hibernate, yet, they don’t understand, they think it’s about them, they think you are in love with them, they think it’s about them, but they are wrong, this is not the case. You are in love with the two, the couple, the pair, the twins. It's not them, it's us.

You want them to become an us. The We. Our. Not me and mine, or yours and you. You want to get lost in them, and them in you. No them. No you. Be consumed. But they don’t understand and you die. You fight yourself because you blew it. You lost yourself. And they didn't loose themselves. You are a fool, you think. Now you can’t find yourself. You threw it away to create we – a we. But they don’t understand, they think you are in love with them – about them, their self. And so, they start to cry why don’t you love me like before? And you cannot say But I do!

You cannot say that you still love them because there is no we. There is no us. There is just a me, and a you. They don’t understand. There was never an us. There was only them. And they didn’t understand, they simply didn’t turn up. They thought your love was for them but it wasn’t just that, it was more, much more, it was two not one, and they could turn up.

And now, you are the accused. Liar, thief, cheat, and their heart is broken because they thought you would be there, no matter what. They say you never loved them and you try to explain that you loved us, not just them. But they just don’t understand They thought your love was for them. They thought your love was a sacrifice for them. They thought you put them on an alter, but you wanted to put us on that alter. They thought they were the object of your love. It was not true It was an “us” we loved. We. Our. Us. Not a “U” And they just never showed up. They didn’t understand, or just weren’t ready. For an “US” more important than “U”

It wasn’t wrong that it didn't last, you were not wrong, there are no victims. You were not wrong, they just don't understand. They think your love is for them, because that's all they know, them. You just showed up and fell in love with the US. And they couldn’t show up. There’s nothing to change in you. It hurts to love. Now, simply go back and do it again and know that one day someone will know how to love the US, more than they love the U. Your love for an US is divine and sacred.

Can you see.

We think it’s all about me.

But love is not about me, I, you, they, them.

Love is about an us.

To love an US people must let go of the ME<>

In love there is no me.

In love there is no you.

To fall in love is to fall from the I.

And work for the two

Monday, February 23, 2009

" Love Human and Love Divine.............."

Love Human, and Love Divine...............
(Tue, October 30, 2007 - 8:37)

We know that there are two types of love: human love and Love Divine.

In human love, what we actually try to do is to possess the many without caring for the One, the Source. But if we do not possess the Source, then the many cannot be of any help to us.

If there is no root, then how will the tree grow? How will we be able to claim the branches or the flowers and leaves as our very own? With the divine Love, we go first to the One, the Source, and from there we go to the many. We become one with the root, and then we grow into the tree, which will manifest itself through the branches and leaves, the flowers and fruits.

Divine Love is the song of multiplicity in unity. In human love there is demand or, at least, expectation. Very often we start with demand, and when a higher wisdom dawns we no longer demand, but still we expect something from others. We convince ourselves that this expectation is justified. Since we have done something for others- offered our love-we feel it is quite legitimate to expect something in return.

But in divine Love there is no such thing as demand or expectation. In divine Love we just give what we have and what we are. What we have and what we are is dedicated service.

In the human life, before we give our love, we try to discover love in others-that is, their love for us. In the divine Life, before we give our love to others, we try to discover Love in its reality and integrality within ourselves. Only then are we in a position to offer love to others. At first our satisfaction dawns when we feel that those to whom we offer our love accept it wholeheartedly. But there is an even higher form of divine Love when we go beyond this feeling, and give love just for the sake of self giving. We give, and even if our love is not accepted, we do not mind. We shall go on giving, for we are all love, our Source is all Love.

In human love there is not only demand and expectation, but there is something even worse: withdrawal. First we demand, then we expect. When our expectation is not fulfilled, we sometimes try to withdraw from the person to whom we have offered our love.

In divine Love, it is never like that. With divine Love we try to become one with the weakness, imperfection and bondage of others. Although we have inner freedom, we use this inner freedom not to lord it over others, but to become one, consciously one with their imperfections. In this way we can understand them and serve them at their own level, with a view to transforming their imperfections.

The capacity of human love is so limited that we cannot expand ourselves and totally embrace one another. There is bound to be a feeling of supremacy. I shall love you, no doubt, but I wish to remain an inch higher than you. On that condition I shall love you. The superior loves the inferior because he is satisfied to some extent with his position in this relationship. The inferior very often loves the superior because of his insecurity. So love binds them and gives them both some sense of satisfaction.

But in divine Love there is no such thing as superiority and inferiority. Divine Love always gives itself freely and wholeheartedly. Divine Love gets satisfaction only by offering itself totally and unconditionally. In divine Love, we come to notice that the personal and the impersonal perfectly go together. There is a balance between the two. The personal in us enters into the vast, which is impersonal; and the impersonal in us enters into the personal to manifest its unmanifested Reality, Divinity and Immortality.

In human love, the personal and the impersonal are two strangers; worse, they are at daggers drawn. The personal and the impersonal at best try to reach a compromise, but this compromise brings no satisfaction at all; in the very depth of human love, there is always a rivalry and competition between the two. On rare occasions, the personal says to the impersonal, which is inside the human being, "Let us alternate our reality, our height, our wisdom, our capacity. This moment you stand up and I shall remain seated; the next moment I shall stand up and you will sit."

In human love, very often the physical mind, the doubting mind, the suspecting mind, comes to the fore. But in divine Love, we see only the loving heart, the surrendering heart, the all beckoning heart. The mind loves a reality because it sees the reality according to its own understanding and vision. But the heart loves a reality because it sees the reality in the reality's own form. The heart becomes inseparably one with the reality, with the very existence of that reality, both inner and outer. It sees the living breath of the reality in its own form and shape; it sees the body and soul of the reality all together.

In human love, the lover and the beloved are two separate persons. The lover is running toward the beloved, and when he reaches the beloved he finds his satisfaction.

In divine Love, the lover and the beloved are one and inseparable. In divine Love, the Lover is the Supreme and the Beloved is the Supreme. In human love, we feel that satisfaction lies somewhere else- not within us, but in somebody else. But in divine Love, satisfaction is found nowhere else but in ourselves. The Lover and the Beloved are one and the same-the Supreme dwelling within and the Supreme outside us. When we speak of our 'self' as the divine Lover or Beloved, we have to know that this is the 'Self' which is both the One and the many. This Self, the Supreme, finds its satisfaction only when it gets a glimpse of God's Reality, Infinity, Eternity and Immortality in the many. This 'Self' is the One, and it wants to see and feel its Reality in the many.

Love is duty. In our human life we see duty as something mechanical, lifeless, forced-something thrust upon us. But in the divine Life, duty is something full of opportunity. At every second an opportunity dawning for us to expand our life's consciousness, our life's reality, our life's delight. So in the divine Life we welcome duty, for it increases our capacity and potentiality and expands the dream of our divine, unhorizoned Reality.

Life is the lesson of Love. Love is the lesson of Life. When we study Life's lesson in our human life, the lesson is composed of fear, doubt, anxiety, worry and frustration. But in the divine Life, we see that Love is the lesson not only of Life, but also for Life-for the Life that is everlasting, ever illumining and ever fulfilling.

A divine Lover is he who believes in the divine miracle. A human miracle is something that feeds our curiosity, something that lasts for a fleeting second. But the divine miracle is the elevation of consciousness. To raise somebody else's consciousness, to raise humanity's consciousness even an iota is the true divine miracle. The conscious help the divine Lover gives to the seeker performs this divine miracle.

We are of God the eternal Love and we are for God the eternal Love. We are of God the infinite Love and we are for God the infinite Love. Eternity is the Source of the Silence life; and Infinity is the message of the sound life. From the One we came and for the many we exist. This is the real message of divine Love. We are of the One and we are for the many-the many in the One. This is the quintessence of Love Divine.

" The Greatest Love Of Your Life................"

The Greatest Love of Your Life..............
(Tue, November 6, 2007 - 7:21 PM)

Where is the greatest love of your life? Where do you lavish most of your affection and attention?

Is it your wife, your husband, your child, your parents, your beautiful home, your nice car, your studies, your job, your hobby or sport?

Is your most beloved person or activity, the most deserving of your love? And, very important, is your love reciprocated, or are you in an emotional One-way-street? These questions hold the key to our success in this world and the life hereafter.

What am I talking about? - I'm talking about love reciprocated; love that’s given, and love that’s returned. I have no doubt in my mind that every one of us here has felt the power and influence of love, in its many different forms, throughout our lifetime.

We first experienced love at the very moment of birth. Seeing their newborn baby, our parents must have felt so much joy and gratitude to Allah. With our mother’s warm embrace and that very first drink of our mother’s milk, we must have looked up at her face, feeling her love and security as she gazed down, exuding love and satisfaction. From the first few minutes of life, we were enjoying our parents’ love; at the same time we were showing them our love in return.

As we grew up, we continued to love and be loved by our parents, but then, our relationships expanded horizontally and vertically. We now enjoy the love of brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, friends and wider relations. In time, we become parents and later, grandparents, and so the story of love moves on in ever widening circles, and repeating itself infinitely.

The most important point about love is that it needs to be rewarded, returned, and reciprocated. This is the essence of love, that it is given and received, in equal measure.

When love is given but not reciprocated, then it is as if a big light has gone out in our lives. Love always needs to be returned, to find completeness and fulfilment within itself. This is not a one-way street. No one enjoys loving, and not being loved.

Can you imagine for a moment what it must be like to love someone, and not to be loved in return? Unreciprocated love, Love without love returned, leaves a sense of despair, depression, unworthiness, hollowness and emptiness. Love needs love, and love deserves love to enrich and complete itself. To love and to be loved puts meaning and value into our lives.

Now think for a moment, as we sit here, that we are also enjoying a love of a different, deeper and yet subtler kind: the Divine love of the Creator for His creation. None of us can doubt that Allah, loves us. Whether we are tall or short, fat or thin, black or white, Muslim, Jew, Hindu or Christian, our Creator’s love and provision reaches us all, and we owe Him a debt of gratitude. His sustenance reaches even those who deny His existence, even those who disbelieve in Him.

In Surah Yunus, we read:

“There is not a moving creature on earth, but its sustenance depends on Allah, He knows the time and place of its definite abode, and its temporary deposit: All is in a clear record.”
[10: 93]

We depend so completely on Allah, and we owe him everything. He deserves our thanks, our obedience and worship. How do we show our gratitude to Allah? How do we show gratitude to anyone who has authority over us?

At the very least, we show respect and obedience. The best way to show gratitude to our Allah, is to worship him, to obey him and to avoid displeasing Him. This is how we can reciprocate the divine love, to the One Who gave us life, and Who sustains us for every moment of our lives.

If we can accept that love must always be rewarded, should we not then return the greatest of all loves, the unselfish love of Allah?

Just think about it. How does it feel when you’ve shown love, kindness and generosity to someone, and your reward is rudeness, ingratitude or indifference! Do you know the feeling? When someone repays your kindness with cruelty. Doesn't it make you hurt and sad? Doesn’t it make you feel angry? Why then, should Allah not be angry towards those who repay His love with disobedience, ingratitude and disbelief?

I would like to remind myself and you, about the secret of true love and true happiness. It is not simply to indulge the object of our love, leaving Allah aside, or to place our love for Allah right at the end of the queue.

The way to real happiness is to place our love for Allah at the centre of our lives. Our love for Allah must be greater than any other love. It must come before our love for anyone or anything else. In fact, we only have the capacity to love and care for someone, because Allah gave us that capacity in the first place!

Allah alone is the creator and author and facilitator of all love. Therefore, it follows that the first and most deserving love, should be our love for Allah. When we love Allah first, we give meaning, and purpose and balance and harmony to every other aspect of our life.

In Surah Al-Baqarah, we read:

“Yet there are men who take [for worship] others besides Allah, as equals with Allah. They love them as they should love Allah. But those of Faith are overflowing in their love of Allah. If only the unrighteous could see the Penalty: that to Allah belongs all power, and Allah will strongly enforce the Penalty.”
[2: 165]

Look what happens when we fail to put our love for our Creator at the top of our agenda: Our loving nature loses its sense of proportion. It loses direction. Excessive love for oneself then becomes vanity, conceit and egotism. Excessive love for one’s community or race becomes bigotry and racism, and excessive love for one’s nation becomes arrogant Nationalism, or Fascism. Zionism, like Nazism and Apartheid before it, is a distorted Nationalism pretending to be a respectable political idea.

It is only the Love of Allah that brings proportion and harmony to life, and illuminates all our other loves and relationships. If we can all remember this and live by it, we will go a long way towards making our lives happier and more meaningful.

So How do we begin to place our love for Allah at the centre of our lives, at the top of our priority love-list? The short answer is Dhikr, the constant Remembrance of Allah. Dhikr is not just an optional thing we do after completing Salah. Dhikr is an integral part of Islamic worship. Remembering Allah must become a way of life.

It is only through constant remembrance of Allah that human hearts will find true happiness and satisfaction, in good times and in times of distress. There is a beautiful verse in Surah Al-Ra’d that confirms this:

“Those who believe, and whose hearts find satisfaction in the Remembrance of Alláh; for without doubt, in the Remembrance of Alláh do hearts find satisfaction.”
[Al-Ra'd, 28]

We should train ourselves to be Allah-conscious during every waking moment. Some Sufis recite the Asma-ul-husna, the Beautiful Names of Allah, with every breath and every heartbeat. We can at least think consciously of pleasing Allah, and avoiding His displeasure, every time we make a decision or start an action. We must constantly ask ourselves, why am I doing this? Is this decision, this action going to bring me closer to Allah? Or, is this decision, this action going to arouse Allah’s anger? If we do this exercise regularly, consistently, this attitude will transform our lives at the most basic level. Seeking to please Allah, instead of seeking to satisfy our own lusts, will transform us from mere humans beings, wandering aimlessly, to the true Believers that we Muslims ought to be.

We must expect the going to be difficult at first, because this is a major turning point in our lives. But if we persist in our efforts, and we are patient, we will, in time, inshAllah reap the rewards of returning Allah’s love with our love and obedience.

Let us ask Allah to make us all worthy and deserving of His love. Let us make the effort, and seek Allah’s help, in completing the circle of love given and love returned. Let us show the Creator of love, that we have worked hard to bring our free will, and our heart’s desires back into alignment with Him, the way He created our true nature before we were exposed to temptation. Let us teach our children that the way to live successfully is to recognise Allah’s loving hand in everything we see around us, and to return that love with every good thought, every good word and every good action in our lives.

.("....O Allah, help us to purify ourselves in body, mind, heart and spirit. Help us to seek and find your good pleasure.
O Allah, remember us in the company of Your beloved friends...... ........
Ameen. ....")

Saturday, February 21, 2009

" Can There Be Love Without Understanding Pain.........."...

(Wed, August 15, 2007 - 2:15 AM )

Love: Belief is its Own Strength
" A chemist who can extract from his heart element, compassion, respect, longing, patience, regret, surprise and forgiveness and compound them into one can create that atom which is called love.’ -Kahlil Gibran

Love is the only true emotion left with us. Whether you love or are loved, depends upon whether you believe in this emotion and deserve it. Love is not just poems, letters, cards, and flowers…it goes much beyond that. Love is a bond, a relationship…

In fact, beyond relationships. It is an emotional reaction, and not a rational one. What is realized and decided after a long thought process, cannot be love. It can only be an arrangement or a rational decision. Love is a wonderful thing-you never have to take it away from one to give it to another. There is always more than enough to go around. However, it may not always result in happiness, togetherness, and fulfillment of expectations or contentment. You may not always get what you wanted, expected or believed; but what you do with what you get will really bring happiness for you.

So, what are the keys to this emotion? What are its indications? What are its implications? The answers to these questions are not universal…they require a personal insight or maybe a little thought.

The key to love is…realization.
Realization of this feeling differs from its demonstration. While as demonstration of love can be a total success or a miserable failure, love, in itself, never fails. Meaning thereby, if a person cannot express or exhibit this emotion, this does not deter him from realizing or experiencing it. This does not make him love any less. He experiences love, though no one witnesses that.

The key to love is…a belief in its own eternity.
As rightly said that true love doesn’t care for the passing of time, for time cannot change the true meaning of love. Love is surpasses time or distance. Those who love beyond the world cannot be separated by it alone and death cannot kill what never dies. Thus, the tragedy of love is not death or separation but rather indifference. It is here that love dies its death; it is here that lives fall apart.

The key to love is…acceptance.
As wrongly believed, love is not blind. It does not ignore a person’s character or faults. It sees through him or her, accepting the fact that no one is perfect. This emotion accepts the imperfection of the other person as well as one’s own –knowing that true love is self-discovery, with and for that person.

The key to love is…understanding.
Without this pillar, love has no survival value. Love alone is not enough for the success of a relationship. Rather, love alone fails to save a relationship without the essential element of understanding. It is this understanding that allows people to compromise and forgive willingly.

The key to love is…giving without the thought of return.
But giving, with the hope of just a simple smile or appreciation. And this love makes a person to giving-in but never give-up. It is this virtue that makes love unselfish.

The key to love is…compromise.
Compromise in a relationship is required on things immaterial and superfluous to love, for this adds longevity and strength to this emotion. However, it demands no compromise in terms of respect, concern, and responsibility. Love should never turn into charity or pity.

The key to love is…trust.
Trust that the other person will live with and for you. This absolute trust lets people to set the other person free, with the belief that with separation there will always be a return.

The key to love is…a belief in its own strength.
Love has to be so strong that, with and for the other person, you can endure all hardships, sorrow, pain, poverty, and death. Love is the only thing as strong as truth itself. ‘There is no affirmation without the one who affirms. In a sense, everything to which you grant your love is yours.’ This depicts the power that love grants on all its believers and worshippers.

The key to love is…forgiveness.
This ability makes people to accept each other’s faults and pardon mistakes, without forgetting what you learn from them. Forgiveness is not to be misunderstood for weakness or helplessness, but rather as the virtue which love bestows on people. This quality in a person is not to be taken for granted but rather appreciated and treasured.

The key to love is inside us all. It takes time and patience to explore and unlock all the ingredients- compassion, respect, longing, understanding, patience, regret, belief, trust, compromise, and forgiveness- that will take you to its threshold. It is a continual learning process that demands a lot of work; but the rewards are more than worth the effort. And even if there is no reward, the experience is worth the effort.

So what really is love? At different stages of our lives the signs of love may vary- dependence during childhood; likeness during youth; friendship during teenage; attraction during adolescence; affection during adulthood; worry and loyalty during middle age; contentment and loneliness during old age. Whatever be the signs and its manifestations, at heart, the source is always the same. The emotion is just as strong and pure, its targets differ. All said and done, it still seems that love is beyond our ability to understand.

Words are too petty to express what love is or how it works magic…

You don’t have to be a genius to know that love is impossible to understand.

To quote Kahlil Gibran,
‘And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.’

" Far More Precious Than............"

" Far More Precious Than......................."

".........everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to.
Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected.
Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell.
Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them .
Your body is sacred. You're far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too............"

( Excerpted from: "More Than a Hero : Muhammad Ali's Life Lessons Presented Through His Daughter's Eyes" by Hana Yasmeen Ali..."


The world knows my father as Muhammad Ali, né Cassius Clay, a man with one of the most recognized faces on the planet. I know him as Daddy.

When I was a young girl, no more than nine or ten years old, I remember the first time I saw my father after he and my mother separated. Beforehand I was so excited that I could hardly wait to get where he and Lonnie, his current wife, were staying at the Disneyland Hotel, in Anaheim, California.

If memory serves me correctly, I was wearing a little white tank top and a short black skirt. I had been raised Orthodox Muslim, so I had never before worn such revealing clothing while in my father's presence. When we finally arrived, the chauffeur escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father's suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged as many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day. My father took a good look at us. Then, he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to. Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected. Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell. Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You've got to work hard to get to them." He looked at me with serious eyes. "Your body is sacred. You're far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too."

This is just one of the many lessons that my father instilled and continues to instill in me and my sisters, then and now. This book of poetry and memories was inspired by these recollections and by my father's poems written in his earlier years. Another thing that inspired me to put this book together was my father's uninhibited love for people. I don't think people know just how big his heart truly is.

One of my fondest memories of the house I grew up in was of coming home after elementary school. I'd run straight into my father's office and jump onto his lap, giving him bunches of hugs and kisses. After a few hours of drawing or coloring pictures on the office floor by the fireplace, I would head upstairs to my room to play some more. Once, when I was seven, I found a strange person in my bed. I ran right down to my dad and rambled on about how burglars had broken into the house and they were in my room snoring loudly! He calmed me down and explained that the people I saw were not burglars. They were a homeless family that had no place to live and no food to eat.

My father was, and still is, always doing great things like that. One time, he got a telephone call about a young man who was threatening to jump off of a building a few blocks away from our house.

The man was a Vietnam veteran who felt he had nothing left to live for. My father immediately dropped what he was doing, drove to the location, got out on the ledge with the young man, and talked him back inside the window. Soon thereafter, my father found him an apartment and paid the rent until the vet could find a decent job.

Yes, my father is a hero! The world knows it, and I know it. However, I get the privilege of witnessing the little things, which in the end are really where true heroism lies. For example, I once asked my father how he finds the strength to do all that he does. He gracefully replied, "Service to others is the rent we pay for our room here on earth." Not too long after that conversation, Lonnie, Laila, Asaad (who is the youngest of us all), my father, and I were driving to his home from the airport in the rain around eleven-thirty at night. A big bus of tourists recognized my dad in the passenger seat. My father asked Lonnie to pull over. He signed autographs and took pictures with every soul on that bus! I clearly recall thinking, I understand him. I know how truly blessed I am to be able to be with an angel that is my daddy.

On one occasion we almost missed our flight back to Chicago out of New York City. Dad was signing autographs. By the time we boarded the plane, a man and his son from coach were sitting in our first-class seats.

When the flight attendant asked them to resume their original seats, my father stopped her and asked the little boy if he had ever flown first class. The boy shyly replied, "No." My dad smiled and said, "Then this is your lucky day." The boy's father thanked us, and we headed to the back of the plane to our new seats. As you can see, my father passed a hero's test far beyond all the best.

My father and I collaborated on this project. It contains both his poetry and several of my own poems dedicated to him, as well as other heartwarming stories about him. The collection reveals Muhammad Ali's true heart, nature, and moral beliefs. I hope you will enjoy these special recollections and glimpses into the world of my father as much as we enjoyed living those times.

Daddy, you mean the world to me. You're an ANGEL, and I love you with all of my heart!


(thank you Hana.....your story inspired me.....being a truly and more devoted muslim....jazakallah khairan)

" Loving And Losing................"

Loving and Losing............

To love and to lose is one of the biggest tragedies in life, yet one fails to see the blessing in the loss. We lose for many reasons - a death, a divorce, a broken friendship and the end of a relationship. In that moment, we feel our life has come to an end.

How are we to go on? A piece of your soul is taken leaving an empty hole in your heart. The question of "why me" repeats in your mind but as the beauty of time progresses, we see the answer. Loss makes us stronger and wiser. A loss helps us to appreciate even the smallest, insignificant things in life. Our hearts become softer and full of even more love than we had to begin with.

A loss helps us to see that we can't do it alone, that we need faith and hope to get us through. We learn the mercy and grace of God. When the grieving and the healing have taken their course, we are renewed, ready to begin a new chapter in our lives with a whole new outlook and attitude. Only then are we able to appreciate the lesson learned through that loss. One never forgets those we lost, but we do learn to let go. We learn to keep living even though we don't want to. We learn to treasure each moment and each person. In turn, losses make our lives a lot richer.

To love and lose is a tragedy, but it's not the end of our lives. It's part of our journey.

" Love is in the moment............"

Love is in the moment..............

It had been a stupendously “bad” day. One thing after another. The downward spiral continued when the large pitcher of orange juice slid from my hands and smashed to the floor. Glass and sticky juice spewed to the farthest corners of the kitchen, slithering down cabinets and appliances, puddling at my feet. Stunned, I looked at the mess. Then I dropped dejectedly down to the floor, my eyes filling with overdue tears. The tears came from begrudging and angry acceptance that “today is just not my day”.

Bad day or not, errands had to be done. Filled with angst and negative mental baggage, I got in my car to drive into town. In the few minutes it took to arrive at the bank I made a decision. I would be careful not to pass my bad day off to anyone else. I would be cordial and polite. And I would NOT retaliate when that fellow driver pulled quickly and rudely in front of me causing me to slam on my breaks, dumping the contents of my drink onto the front car seat!

Standing in line at the bank, I was silently talking to myself. Actually, I was scolding myself. All of the events that had accumulated and contributed to my bad day were, in reality, so very minor and trivial. I was over-reacting. I was indulging in self-pity. I tried to imagine the innumerable, individual lives that had been effected by 911, by the war in Iraq, by the tsunami. For the second time that day my eyes filled with tears as I realized how disconnected I felt from all those individuals who are trying to cope with truly traumatic events in their lives. They all seemed so distant, and this justified and intensified my belief that I was being self-centered and selfish. I was sure that all my efforts to be a caring and loving person were for naught.

A voice broke through my mental distractions. Somehow I had mechanically finished my bank transaction and the teller was trying to get my attention.

“Young lady,” she was saying, “Young lady!” I looked up and into the eyes of the bank teller, a beautiful, grey-haired grandmother. Her eyes reflected concern as she leaned forward and softly said, “I don’t know what is happening inside of you but, please, believe me when I tell you that - everything will be okay!”

And then she did something quite marvelous. My hands were resting on the counter. She took her hands and placed them gently on top of my hands. The touch was quick but electric. And in that moment my world shifted. In the moment of her touch my self-doubt vanished. I found understanding and acceptance. I knew that love was being filtered through the heart of this beautiful woman directly into my heart. I was infused with a profound awareness - that I am loved. I was speechless. I smiled. It was my first smile of the day. But it would not be my last.

The seemingly small gesture of a kind-hearted bank teller changed the course of my day. Perhaps without even knowing it, she allowed herself to be a conduit of divine love. Thus she was instrumental in changing a day that seemed destined to be a day of tears and transforming it into a day of smiles. More people than not scoff at the idea of world peace. Laugh if you wish. As for myself, I believe it is possible to change the world.

One act of kindness at a time. A smile. A handshake. A kind word. A hug. Oh, the power of love!

Friday, February 20, 2009

" The Most Powerful Three Words in Any Language..............."

The Most Powerful Three Words in Any Language...

We men love to repeat the silly joke that the three words every woman loves to hear are "It's my fault." It always seems to evoke a chuckle. However, there is not one of us

who doesn't truly enjoy that warm fuzzy feeling that always occurs when we hear those other three words.
"I love you."

In fact, we use that little phrase to test the validity of any primary relationship. For example, what man or woman would begin to doubt the true intentions of another if they never heard those words but for their always saying them first.? It would be nice to think that anyone who loves us will beat us to the punch in declaring their love now and again.

So, when you meditate upon it, what is it that necessitates our hearing those three little words? Why is it that we hang on them as if for dear life? Conversely, why is that not hearing those words has a way of causing us to emotionally feel very deprived? They are only words, yet, we need to hear them regularly, lest we die emotionally.
"I love you."

Perhaps it is that twinkle in her eyes or the unique espression on her face that makes hearing those words so special. Maybe it's his sincerity and genuineness that assures her that he means it with all of his heart and soul. At any rate, when your lover pronounces those simple words, you absolutely know in your hear that, if ever anyone felt the depth and magnitude of what they are meant to imply, this person has given you all that they are capable of when it comes to the deepest of human emotions, feelings, and commitment.
"I love you."

Not only that, but we tend to validate those words by actions. If ever actions spoke louder than words, the way in which our lovers demonstrate their feelings toward us only verifies our need to verify their love. Conversely, we know full well in our heart of hearts that saying it and demonstrating it are two different things. Yet, who would disagree that doing both only assures the one we love that we are truly sincere and genuine?

Say Them Often....
Interestingly enough, those three words are inexhaustible. They can be said a billion times and never lose their power or ability to deeply touch a heart. Furthermore, it's impossible to wear them out. It can't be done.
Test it.
If you want to make the point, tell the one you love those three words a dozen times or more each day. The bottom line is that there is no way of repeating them too much or too often. Furthermore, scream them out in a flurry of repetative phrases a thousand times over and each one will be received as happily as the first. It's just impossible to wear out those three words.
Therefore, is once a day or less really enough?
Say Them Sincerely...
Of course, no one would argue that an insincere espression of love is easily detectable. Few people are easily fooled by insincere and empty words. On the other hand, when someone looks straight into our eyes, declares his/her love, and assures us that it comes directly from the heart, one finds it impossible to ignore. When it is real, we hang on to those three words as dearly as life itself.

When the person we love best recites those three words, all that is difficult in life takes a
back seat and, for one magical moment, no one dare ask why we are here on this earth or what our purpose might be.

To be loved by another is the fulmillment of all that we are and the reason why the universe was created. To love another gives us a purpose and a reason to both live and bring happiness to our special someone.

Say Them Truthfully...
One cannot expect a mate to melt in his/her arms upon hearing those three words drop from the same lips that have recently been abusive, argumentative, critical, quarrelsome, uncaring, etc. Woe unto the lover who openly demonstrates some negative behavior and then expects declaring his/her love to provide him/her with a free ticket to the bedroom.
It just doesn't work that way. In this case, actions do speak louder than words. Otherwise, the words will have power if the actions behind them provide more than enough evidence that they are true.
Say Them Completely...
The next time you say those three words, take time to expand upon them. Tell him/her the extent of your love using add-on phrases like "more than _____," or "much more than you could ever realize," and "so very, very, very much!" As long as it is said sincerely, it cannot be too dramatic or exagerated.
For some people, the three words are enough. For most of us, the expanded version is all the more musical to the ears. Verbally sharing our feelings for another person by expressing them in a paragraph instead of a sentence can be a wonderful moment for two people.
Go ahead. Say it all and then say it again. Be mushy, slushy, and gushy. Don't hold back. When it comes from the heart, the hearer is always blessed.
Say Them--Just Say Them...
Too many of us have had the experience of whithholding those three words from someone who well deserved to hear them but passed away before we could ever tell them. We've also found ourselves wishing that we would have clearly stated them before allowing someone very special to simply walk out of our lives.

The insight to be gained here is that of realizing how those we love hang on those words when we express them, especially when framed in a hug or a kiss.

Finally, try to keep in mind that even though others may not express themselves in the same way, those who do communicate their love are so much better off for it. Like a wealthy man who gives his money away, the feeling of letting others know that they are much loved is as good for the giver as it is for the receiver.
Three words...
I love you.
They are truly the words that every human being needs to hear.

" Are You Needy......................."

Are You Needy ?.................
(by : Vincent's

Are You Needy?

He's predatory.
She's a more than willing victim.
He is all bravado.
She is all ears.
He simply wants a good time.
She wants a commitment.
He isn't going to give her one.
She'll get over him and go on to someone else.
And they'll both repeat this same pattern over and over and over again.

Neither one of them will admit that their attraction to each other is anything other than love. She wants to enjoy all of those wonderful feelings. He wants her to enjoy all of those wonderful feelings, too--just as long as it's with him. Of course, he knows that it's not love but he would never tell her that. Why mess things up when you can string someone along for awhile longer?
While she spins round and round with no clue as to why she can't keep a man, let alone get the one she really wants, he goes from woman to woman as if on a quest.

It has little to do with two people who are truly seeking their soulmates.
More accurately, it's a need for emotional validation, sexual fulfillment, and social approval.
In a word, it's all about being "needy."

Emotional Validation...
Couples are everywhere. They live next door, can be seen shopping together at the malls, eat out at restaurants together, and are at every social function from church to movies.

However, when one is single, not being part of a couple somehow seems to indicate that there might be something wrong. Younger single people take it more in stride, whereas, those who have been coupled (especially those who were married for many years) find singlehood to be very uncomfortable at first. Yet, in both cases, there is a need for coupling. It is natural. There is nothing wrong with it. That is, as long as one avoids plunging into love relationships just to prove that they are loveable.

Those who struggle with this very thing need emotional validation.
For most, finding someone special with whom to share their lives is all the validation that they need. For others, it is a need that must be fulfilled, no matter what. They will rush into any relationship that will fill in whatever emotional gaps are important to them, even if it is temporary. They are good to go as long as they are able to experience all of those wonderful feelings with someone. The other person validates them as someone who is worthy of love, valuable as a person, and desired as a man/woman. It's a basic human need. The point is that some are more needy than others and some of those are too needy.

As a result, such relationships usually do not last. If the other person is more settled in their singleness, they become very stressed by the intensity of the one who is needy. Being responsible for continually validating another individual can be exhausting work.

Conversely, this need also manifests itself on the opposite end of the spectrum. Once the need is validated, they soon become bored with the other person. This kind of person flits from one "relationship" to the next. Somehow they have convinced themselves that their value is based on the quantity of lovers they conquer more than the quality of love shared between two people.
We all need to be validated. However, some are so heart hungry that they have to have it in large quantities and from a large number of people.

Sexual Fulfillment...
She has sex with him and is now convinced that he is committed to her.
Heck, he just had a good time but he sure isn't going to tell her that.
Yes, it is another form of emotional validation but, even moreso, the need to be fulfilled sexually is a driving force for most of us and an absolute need for some.

I recently listened to a fifty-plus man state that he had been with "hundreds and hundreds of women." The number was obviously exagerated but I have no doubt that he has been with a good number of females in his life. Of course, his attitude toward women is extremely sour by now. He has very little esteem for them and insists that he will never have a serious longlasting relationship with any of them. I agree. You see, anyone who wraps a love relationship around sex alone is bound to fail in it. After a few months or so, the other person becomes boring in the bedroom. Afterall, there are only so many positions that you can get in to and doing it with the same person night after night can become very tedious if there is no real love shared between the two of them.

Thus, those who are sexually needy are complelled to move on to one lover after another. While they have one person (or more) in bed, they are using every means available to attract others at the same time. Some are players. Some are downright promiscuous. Both are dangerous.

Those who are sexually needy have a way of breaking hearts, spreading disease, and disappointing a lot of wonderful people.

Furthermore, two sexually needy people who find each other are fatal attractions waiting to happen.

This writer has experienced the onsloughts of female players. Since becoming single again, I've found myself in situations that most men would envy. However, being someone who cannot imagine loveless sex, I have declined without hesitation.

My first date whispered across a restaurant table how she would pleasure me if I would but take her to a motel. The next commented at a dance how much better our rhythm would be in bed together. Yet another shared her fantasy with me of taking me out in a stretch limousine for a wonderful evening out, followed by a night of passionate lovemaking. She was followed up by a woman who invited me over for dinner and then attempted to seduce me. None of them loved me. All of them were much too needy. If any of them were to have been interesting to me at all, their brashness resulted in my disdain. Yes, like any male, I enjoy experiencing sex. However, I know the difference between someone who truly has fallen in love with me and a female player whose motto regarding men is, "Use them, abuse them, and then lose them."

Sex is a wonderful thing. Two people who share physical intimacy within the context of a loving, caring relationship will never get bored with each other.

Social Approval...
Peer pressure is not restricted to teenagers in junior high school.
Being the only single person in a crowd of couples is a very lonely experience. It is just as disconcerting being the only person in a social setting or group who is not dating or going steady. When one's friends are either dating or married, the sense of lonliness is almost unbearable.

Then there are those dear friends who decide that they are going to help. These self-appointed matchmakers think up things like blind dates, dinner foursomes including their unmarried sisters or brothers, and setting their singles friends up with someone who is completely incompatible in every way. Once in a while they get lucky. More times than not, they only complicate feelings of inadequacy that are already there.

A more healthy approach would be to accept aloneness no matter what the social setting. Even the taunts of others should not be enough to indicate that singleness makes one a lesser person. Hopefully, family and friends will be supportive and less apt to place any pressure on a single person.

Still, there are those who are not so blessed. Their peers withhold complete approval unless they can measure up to their standard of acceptance. Of course, there are those who perceive this to be true when it is not. At any rate, having the need to be in a relationship so as to fit in socially can produce tragic results.

That is, if one is really that needy.

" Soulmates......................"

Two people who are very compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, and sensitivity. Those who use this term in regard to primary relationships view it as a way of describing those who are meant for each other in a very special and unique way--almost as if they were spiritually or mystically connected.

What Kind of Soulmate Are You?
Not everyone is a hopeful romantic. Just as there are different types of personalities an temperments, we human beings seem to gravitate toward one of four clearly identifiable relationship approach types. We can't help it. Whatever the factors that go into shaping our view of love from childhood through adulthood; we still find ourselves clearly manifesting the characteristics below.

Look over the four types of soulmates. You may not be able to immediately identify yourself or your mate, so take some time to consider which one fits best. After doing this, take a further look at the other types. Perhaps you will be able to identify your mate. How do these soulmate types interact with each other? What would it be like for two people of the same type to be with each other? Could those who are so different from each other still be referred to as "soulmates?"

After you've read the basic descriptions of the soulmate types, stay with us to consider some other important insights.

The Romantic Soulmate...
  • Seeks permanence and completeness in a loving, caring relationship.
  • Feels a stronger sense of self-identity resulting from the relationship which produces fulfillment.
  • Shares all aspects of life as expressions of togetherness from the mundane to the major.
  • Focuses on finding ideas and ways to enhance the intensity and quality of the relationship.
The Sharing Soulmate...
  • Views sharing love and life with another as the best possible way to change and grow.
  • Senses completeness only when sharing self with another in a primary relationship.
  • Perceives sharing dreams, plans, and projects as the means of demonstrating love.
  • Sees intimate relationships as a way for two people to mutually improve and find purpose in their lives together.
The Constant Soulmate...
  • Sees consistency, faithfulness, and loyalty as the finest expression to demonstrate love to another.
  • Values the other person's individuality by being available without feeling a need to always lead.
  • Focuses on refining the relationship which results in a greater sense of self-worth.
  • Emphasizes the importance of both being dependable in the context of the relationship.
The Independent Soulmate...
  • Views a primary relationship as a partnership for each to help the other reach their full potential.
  • Accepts their mates as seperate individuals and need the same kind of acceptance for themselves.
  • Values his/her own autonomy and is sensitive to any hint of being controlled or coerced by others.
  • Enjoys the intensity and novelty of the experience of love.-

Romantics-love to demonstrate their love and affection to and for their mates. However, the warning here is that, even when matched with another romantic, no one can tolerate such attention on a continual basis. The "24X7 Romantic" will seem absolutely wonderful at first (especially to someone who has been alone for awhile) but then begin to wear on the other person.

Independents are especially sensitive to this as they begin to feel guilty that they cannot return the love from a romantic as quickly or often as it is given to them (they will even misinterpret it as being controlled). As one woman expressed it, "One gets tired of lobster and crab legs after awhile. Most of us are more comfortable with a good hamburger."

The idea here is for the romantics to learn how to balance their tendency to continually do special and nice things for their beloveds within the context of normal, everyday living. Be romantic but give lovers room to breathe is essential.

The bottom line is that romantics can overwhelm their partners to such a degree that they are not able to respond with any real confidence. Making someone else feel inadequate is destructive to a relationship.

True romantics know how to give their lovers just enough loving attention to keep them going strong. Keeping that balance proves the romantic's natural capability to keep their soulmates coming back for more.

Sharers are those who look for their soulmates first when they get home from work to talk and hear all about what happened throughout the day. They want their mates to be their business partners--or at least heavily involved in their ventures. Every good thing (e.g. an unexpected bonus or the receipt of a new credit card) must be shared with their loves. Conversely, they share all of the bad things, too; disappointments, hurts, sorrows, negative experiences, etc.

In fact, if they are not careful, their mates can get bogged down with all of the problems of their sharing mates to the point of serious frustration. Sharers have to work harder than the other soulmate types to keep some things to themselves (biting their lips) so as not to frustrate their mates. Also, it is difficult for them to understand how a romantic might not want to hear all about how bad things are going at work while on a night out together--or how an independent might respond to the same with leaving them standing alone in the midst of telling their mate about it. Be one who shares all of the good things but discipline yourself to bite your lip when it comes to telling your mate about the negative things you deal with. Of course, sharing some of these things is fine--but not continually. It's just one more way that you can really demonstrate your love to your soulmate.

Constants demonstrate their love by such things as keeping the house clean, making dinner, running errands for their mates, or bringing home the paycheck. This is the soulmate who would never allow themselves to go outside of their relationship for sexual gratification. They are faithful, loyal, and true to their loves. That being said, they can tend to be somewhat undemonstrative in the way they show affection. Furthermore, being romantic can be a problem for them. After all (as goes their thinking), "I take care of her and she can go buy anything she wants to; anytime she wants to. Why should I do all of that silly romantic stuff when she darn well knows I love her?" The idea here is for constants to realize that their mates need demonstrative affection and regular romance just like everyone else. Locate resources to help you such as books filled with romantic ideas (e.g. Michael Webb's "The roMANtic") and you can also take advantage of the many good web sites on the subject, such as this one, which provide you with enough ideas and tools to out-romance even the best romantic.

Independents are the antipathy of romantics. Their approach to a primary relationship is one of protecting their independency; even at the expense of the relationship if necessary. The need to keep a halo of space around them which cannot be too deeply penetrated. This is difficult to understand by the other soulmate types. Only another independent would find such an approach to love as being natural and comfortable when in a relationship with a same-type soulmate.

Yet, independents can be very enjoyable and exctiting people with whom to be involved. They are continually seeking ways to accomplish goals and projects. Their careers are their first loves. Should their chosen vocation or ongoing projects be the kind that their mates are truly interested in, all of the factors that involve them (e.g. going to the best restaurants to have dinners with a client or enjoying an evening out with another couple in the same business) can be a source of entertainment and, better yet, provide a bond between the independent and his/her soulmate. However, independents need to be careful that they are at least receptive to the demonstrations of love from their partners, if not as good at initiating them in the first place. Work hard at your labors of love but take the time needed (and a little more thrown in for good measure) to spend quality time with your love.

Pulling All of This Together...
Space prohibits us from expanding upon all of the many facets and factors that occur when the four soulmate types mix and match with each other. In short, romantics and independents have to work harder than the rest to have a successful relationship. Sharers and constants can get along very well as long as they don't get in a contest to outdo each other. Two Romantics can make a powerful match as long as they don't burn each other out. Constants and Independents can get along fine as long as they both work harder at such things as showing affection and making sure they schedule time for each other. Independents can be most supportive of each other's interests as long as they don't completely ignore or alienate each other.

The main consideration here is that many people have good relationships and do not consider themselves to be soulmates. However, the point is that those who do strongly sense that their's is a very special relationship and would qualify as being true "soulmates" are motivated to work at developing and maintaining the best possible relationship between them and their loves.

Perhaps the bottom line is not which soulmate type you are as much as how willing you are to identify your approach to a primary relationship and your determination to work at it on an ongoing basis.

Whatever your soulmate type, rest assured that there is someone for everyone. None of us are perfect matches but we can enjoy a very good match if we determine within ourselves to either find the right person or truly learn everything we can about the one we are already with. A good soulmate is someone we know that we are meant to love and be loved in return. Finding such a person does not happen too many times in life. Only those who seek will find.
Love happens...Relationships take time and work.

" Loving Relationship.................."

Loving Relationship.................

Having someone special in our lives is one of life's gifts that only happens on a very limited basis. It would be nice to think that every beautiful person we meet is automatically and instantaniously attracted to us and we to them. It doesn't happen that way. Even if it did, the very fact that a mature understanding of love demands a depth of feeling for another person that reaches deep into our hearts. Otherwise, those who seem to fall in and out of love at regular intervals are suspect. Love between two people is more than a magical feeling that lasts for only three months. The real thing lasts for a lifetime--perhaps beyond.

Whether you ascribe to the soulmate concept or simply believe that there is someone for everyone, there is no doubt that we humans have always wanted to believe that love and the object of our love are both special--even unique. Just as our own existences are the result absolutely fantastic odds, finding someone special to share our lives with is just as wonderous and amazing.

It's not a myth. It's not even an exageration. Being in a loving relationship with someone special is the very best of what anyone of us can ever experience in life. Wealth, fame, and power are mortal concerns which offer little in the way of genuine fulfillment. They are not enough to satisfy the soul or fill the heart. No dying man was ever comforted in his last moments by his riches, his fans, or those whom he held sway over.

If life has any meaning at all, it only becomes clear the moment that special someone looks deeply into your eyes and says those three words...I Love You.

" Will He Ever Marry You?..................."

Will He Marry You ?....................

Every woman knows how hard it is
when she puts in serious time with a guy who refuses to commit... until he moves on to his next girlfriend, and then suddenly, he's springing for a rock. Single women assume that a guy will pop the question once he finds someone he's compatible with, i.e., The One. But that's not enough to push him over the edge, according to clinical psychologist Alon Gratch, PhD, author of "If Men Could Talk." What, then, does it take?

"Being ready," says Gratch. "In my 25 years of experience working with men as a relationship therapist, it's 49 percent the right woman, 51 percent his readiness to commit." That means that compatibility is hugely important. But if he's not in a marriage mind-set yet, he's not going to commit to anyone...

More Dating Articles from Cosmopolitan:
In fact, 81 percent of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one reason they decided to wed was because it was the right time to settle down.
"Of course, even if a guy is ready , he still needs to find the right person," says Gratch. "But he is more likely to meet her once he's in that marrying state of mind." To help us figure it all out, we asked Gratch to explain. Here, he divulges the five factors that make a man want to take the plunge.

Commitment Factor #1:
The Capacity to Love.
No matter how head-over-heels your guy is during the initial honeymoon period of the relationship, it doesn't mean he is ready to commit. A man might fall in love, which requires the capacity to idealize. That means thinking and feeling like his partner and the relationship are uniquely special, enabling him to ignore imperfections, which, in turn, makes him feel valued and special.

Loving, on the other hand, involves connecting with her and wanting to be with her for who she is, not who he'd like her to be.
While it might be difficult to decipher the difference between the two, one clue is the test of time. Falling in love happens early on in a relationship, when a couple barely knows each other. Once they become more intimate and learn more about each other's positive and negative traits and the initial love buzz is gone, a man who is only in love will lose interest. If he truly loves, he'll stay.
Another major telltale sign of real love is selflessness and the ability to care. Does your man make sacrifices for you? Is he able to put your wants and needs before his? Relationships are all about give and take, but love is more about giving.

Commitment Factor #2
Being Able to Accept Imperfection.
Intellectually, we all know that there are no perfect people and, therefore, no perfect relationships. But it often takes maturity and dating experience to actually believe it.
Take a client of mine, who broke up with a wonderful woman simply because he thought he could do better. A year later, he met someone else, who was also great but far from perfect. After two years of dating, he decided to propose. If he had met her a few years earlier, he would have broken up with her too. But now, he realizes that this is as good as it gets, though it took him several relationships to finally understand that.

Having unrealistic expectations makes it impossible for a man to develop a close bond. If a guy who isn't ready starts getting too close to a woman, he'll look for imperfections, either consciously or subconsciously, to create distance between them and, ultimately, to give him a reason to break up with her.

Commitment Factor #3
He Truly Believes in Commitment.
Even if a man tells you that he's in it for the long term, you won't really know the level of his staying power until you hit some rough patches. If he's not ready, he won't be able to handle the negative aspects of a relationship, and he'll either shut down -- and shut you out -- or bail. A man who is truly ready to bond will be willing to work with you to try to resolve whatever problems the two of you are having.

Commitment Factor #4
He's Sure He Can Be the Man.
Even though stereotypical gender roles have loosened up and many men are no longer required to be the breadwinners, a lot of guys still worry, deep down, that they should be... and a lot of women still expect it. So if a guy feels that he can't live up to his -- or his partner's -- expectations, he might put off getting seriously involved to avoid feeling like he's not capable. It's a way for him to protect his ego.

According to the National Marriage Project, 47 percent of men agree that they wouldn't want to get married until they could afford to own a home, and 40 percent would want to be able to afford a nice wedding.

Commitment Factor #5
He's Tired of Playing Around.
While there's no specific age at which single men are ready to marry (nor do they all mature at the same rate), after a while, going from one superficial relationship to another begins to lose its allure, and they crave a deeper kind of bond with someone.

The Art of the Ultimatum: Three times when it might pay to nudge him a bit.

1. He Has a Legit Excuse. If you really think the two of you click but he's stalling because he's temporarily focused on something else, like finishing grad school, give him a firm deadline (e.g., till he reaches his goal).

2. He Needs to Rethink His Priorities. Say he's a jock and you hate sports, but he wishes you had that in common. Is it so important to him that he's willing to risk losing you? (Note: If the answer is yes, you don't want him anyway.)

3. He's Chronically Indecisive . Some guys are reluctant because they can't make a decision. He's not afraid of committing to you; he's just afraid of committing. If that sounds like your man, he might need prodding to get off the proverbial fence. Just tell him that you want him to be in your life, but if he can't make a decision in the next couple of months, you'll have to move on. Warning: If you issue an ultimatum, you better be prepared to stick to it.