Monday, April 26, 2010

~ Detached Relationships ~

Detached Relationships .............

In detachment is freedom. Freedom from the bonds of deluding and unrealistic expectations in relationships. To be detached is to let go, not of the person or of the relationship, but of an anxiety-driven desperation to hang on, which eventually demolishes what it frantically wants to preserve. If you cannot rid yourself of the need to cling to someone or something you cannot hold on to it.

It is to be able to enjoy the beauty of a lovely relationship without being caught in its possessive grasp. Possessiveness is a poisoned barb and it vitiates the atmosphere, which a relationship needs to evolve fully. To possess is to be possessed; whereas detachment lets you stand on the sidelines as a spectator while you are still an integral part of a relationship and view it objectively, with love, without the crippling effects of psychological baggage. Jealousy is another impediment to detachment, which is all about choosing an unfettered ambience wherein two people can live joyously and see their love flourish. There is no ownership in a detached relationship.

It is about giving space and finding your own to explore, experience and grow from that experience without judgmental constraints. Whether it is a child/ parent, teacher/student, husband/wife or friend/friend relationship the time invariably comes to let go, to release and be released from emotional insecurities. To be detached is to break out of the gilded cage that at best gives one a false sense of protection. A detached relationship offers one the limitless sky and space to fly in. It entails watching with pride as the object of your affection spreads her wings and takes flight even as you are airborne on your own trajectory. We are all constantly yearning to fly, chart new vistas, explore new horizons and find our own path. We cannot snip someone else wings and hope to fly freely ourselves.

Detachment is not to be confused with separation or an uncaring attitude. Two half people, who cling to each other, who are dependent emotionally and psychologically, who have come together from wants and needs, from negative commonalities, cannot build a wholesome relationship. It is synonymous with building a house from material one would use to simply prop up a crumbling structure, rather than with solid building blocks. They are constructing on shaky foundations, augmenting a dilapidated edifice that is bound to come crumbling down. Such a decayed relationship begs for separation. Detachment on the other hand requires immense love, courage and faith. It is to choose to be whole and complete within yourself and to love another from that totality. A detached involvement in a relationship brings its own reward - a togetherness that only truly free spirits can enjoy.

It is to give another the confidence and the courage to stand alone, making leaning unnecessary for any one. Let go of your clutching, clawing power over another. Emotional control and resultant blackmail are the death knells of a relationship. When one holds the strings and wants the other to respond to the pulls on it, it is puppetry, a sick relationship at the most. A rich, truly fulfilling relationship is one in which each person pulls his own strings. Detachment is to untie the strings by which you unfairly secure another to you and let him attain his full potential as an individual. Let him dance to his tune as you gyrate to yours. If you must dance to the same tune let it be out of choice, not compulsion.

On a different level, detachment is the dance of an exuberant soul. A soul that can shout fearlessly.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

~ Healthy Conversation ~

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, great minds talk about ideas; small minds talk about people. What do you and your significant other talk about? If you constantly hit the heavy stuff, you're probably happier than if you spend time gossiping about your neighbors or coworkers.

A recent study published in Psychological Science says that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics than engaging in small talk. Seventy-nine college students had their conversations recorded and analyzed by researchers, who distinguished between chit-chat about the food or the weather and discussions about philosophy, education, or religion. Subjects who reported the greatest amount of satisfaction spent only 10 percent of their conversation on small talk, while the unhappiest subjects kept 28.3 percent of their talking time in the shallow end.

Among the scores of substantive topics people discuss, we've come up with nine that we believe couples should relish during heart-to-hearts:

1. Embarrassing moments. If you can't share the awkward, -worthy moments that occurred throughout high school with your partner, who can you tell them to? Don't be afraid to broach the subject, if you haven't already. We wouldn't be surprised if their stories are more horrifying than yours.

2. Political viewpoints. How do you feel about the new healthcare bill? You don't have to agree with each other, but you do need to keep an open mind. A good relationship allows both parties to discuss their own philosophies without taking the opposition personally.

3. Fears and insecurities. By fears, we don't mean your phobia of earthworms. We're talking about things that make you wake up with gray hairs. What worries you? What do you want to improve in yourself? What skeletons are in your closet? In being vulnerable, you risk judgment, but more importantly, you chance being understood.

4. Childhood. Ask your partner what he or she was like as a kid. Did she make friends easily? What kind of games did he like to play? Did he have trouble in school? Childhood memories make for fun conversations, but they can also lend insight into how your main squeeze became the person he or she is today.

5. Past relationships. This is a touchy one because no one wants to hear the person they're with spouting sonnets about an ex. There is, of course, a difference between longing for (or being bitter over) the past and simply acknowledging what happened. With enough practice, seasoned, happy couples learn how to address why past relationships ended without inadvertently comparing their current partner to an old flame.

6. Family life. Knowing a person's upbringing and relationship with his or her parents is paramount to understanding his current attitude toward family. If you're even slightly contemplating a future with this person, it might help to ask how well they get along with their parents. Why does she resent her mother? Why is he closer to his sisters than to his brothers? How does she handle family gatherings?

7. Current events. Thanks to the overflow of information, it's nearly impossible to stay up-to-date on everything going on around us. Here's where teamwork comes into play: Ask your partner about his interests, be they economics or regional politics, and see if you can't learn a thing or two. Who knows, maybe you'll help him develop an interest in international affairs or science news.

8. TV and movies. Compared to politics and personal fears, entertainment might seem pretty shallow, but discussions about movies can fall into the "deep" category if you focus on character motivations and plots rather than on, say, the cute leading actors.

9. The future. Talking about the future can be nerve-wracking. While we're not saying you should pressure your partner into talking about plans for marriage and children, we do believe that you should know their dreams, goals, and aspirations. What is he working toward? What drives her to succeed? Where does he see himself in five years? Someone who desires growth and is not afraid of the unknown is surely dynamic enough to deserve you.

(by : Denise NGO for

Sunday, April 18, 2010

~ Life only gets better ~

Life only gets better..........

Did you ever feel lost, or not in touch with reality.
Is it you? or the people around you!
Sometime you have to ask these questions to keep in touch with your center of perception.

In life we may do horrible things that may effect another individual, not being able to correct them at a later date. But remember it does not take an apology to say your sorry. In life you may cross this person again. Just a simple what’s up! How you have been! Nice to see you! Can say a thousand words.

Sometimes life does not go the way we plan or hope.
We spend hour upon hour dreaming of what life could be, and wishing for things we don’t deserve. If your one of these people maybe its time to let life lead the way instead of trying to tempt your own fate.

I believe that life has many tests. I myself have dealt with many issues to bring me back into reality. But it took strong will and a lot of convincing myself to try to be a better person. You may think that you have it bad, but remember someone always has it worse.

I don’t believe it matters what you did in the past, but what you do in the future that makes the difference. so if life is taking a turn for the worst just remember it is just another chapter in your life, you aint dead! So the book isn’t over, just keep living, and don’t forget to keep the story interesting

Thursday, April 1, 2010

~ Turning point ~

Turning point ..........

* Paradox is everywhere: Sometimes the things you think will make you happy end up saddening you and sometimes the very thing that breaks your heart is also the thing that opens it to warmth and gratitude.’*

Life can never be described as predictable and boring. So much can happen in a week, a day, even in a few minutes.
There are so many twists and turns in life. If we are happy with what we’re doing then we should be grateful.
It too can change. Taking for granted what we have, sets up to loose it when we least expect.

It is comforting to know that sadness too has a turning point.
Sadness is not always something negative or to be avoided.
We know that God is very much in touch with our sadness and joy.
Sometimes we have to wait patiently to know when the tide has turned.