Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Where Do You See Yourself In Five Years?...........

It is one of the more popular question asked during a job interview and also one of the most daunting to answer. Where do you see yourself in five years?

It is one of my most hated questions of all time. Where do you see yourself in five years? I'd loved to answer that because I live my life on the edge, therefore I don't think about so many years down the line,  I can't seem to look past 12 months at most, what more 60 long months ahead. So this is my stumbling block whenever someone presents me with this question.

I haven't been able to go beyond my current moment because truth be told, I hate looking so far ahead into the future. What I have is today and what I want is to focus on the here and now. Of course, like any normal human being, I do worry about the future but as they say who knows what tomorrow holds, so why the anxious wait for 5 years? Time can be so fleeting sometimes.

For this precise reason, I have learned that our present moment counts the most. We need to make the best of what we have now and not let our worries get the better of us. We need to see that tomorrow will take care of itself somehow; it may not be what we're hoping for but therein lies the key – hope.

We still feel hopeful that life will eventually get better and we can wake up to a better future. We can make it through another day. Funny but life will take care of itself somehow. Hold onto that hope. It is where you can keep your dreams alive and help strive through every day. I know that's how I've managed so far.

Many may take that this is not the ideal way to live life. Some may even say you're not planning enough for a secure future. But isn't one of the greatest joys in life is to tread into the unknown?

Sure, we need that progression to move into something bigger – greater job role, higher income and own a house or two? It is a natural progression that you yearn for more of this and that. But the question that needs to be asked is when is it enough? As your life expands, you are hunger for more but what if you get all that you set out for within the five years but lose your soul? Or health?

Contentment is a word that many have not been privileged to get to know. Happiness is elusive.

So, why wait for five years to feel happy when you can enjoy it now? You say it's hard when life is so cruel but it is just a matter of perspective. Don't let the circumstances make who you are but rather separate yourself from the immaterial things and count your blessings.

Don't put your life on hold for five years. Look for the little miracles every day that you often take for granted. Trust me, you will feel blessed enough and not sweat the small stuff. The joy is living in your present moment.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Time Waits for Noone



 There is no way to run from a hardship. It is what it is...nothing more. Either live life being angry and unhappy with a hardship or live life being happy and optimistic with a hardship. You cannot go back and change the struggles and hardships you may be facing...

 To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.


Time waits for no one..
Treasure every moment you have.


Friday, December 6, 2013

I Miss you ..........

Today is friday.
A lovely morning with fresh air ............ 
 sitting by the window with the wind whistling comfortably, suddenly reminded me of an old friend who could not be contacted. I was thinking .. where is he?

He was such a nice person ... so sad .. missing him so much.
Where are you my friend .. I miss you ..
Our memories made me smile ... how I miss them ... the jokes and the laughter that we shared together....
If you read these my dearest friend .. please contact me ... I need  to see you standing infront of me ..
honestly I miss you so much ...

On 1st february 2014 .... my daughter Fatin will get married ..
Will you come my dearest friend ? I would like to invite you .. please contact me dear ..
I really don't know how and where to look for you ... honestly I miss you so much ..

2013 will be leaving us ..
We are not getting young any longer .. 
So .. I beg you .. before I close my eyes .. I would like to see you ..
We are in the waiting lists to be called by the Almighty ... so .. before it's too late, I need to see you ..
Forgive me my dearest friend if I ever hurt you in anyway .. 
Honestly .. you always in heart 

Friday, October 18, 2013

Let it Be ..........

As I awake in the morning and the new light stings my eyes I struggle but still find a smile
Grateful they have opened once more I yawn and stretch my arms to the heavens
Ready to begin unknown new tasks ahead of me - adventures in learning
As I wait and work through each I will learn PATIENCE
Each challenge I accept
Let it be

In days past I SUFFERED
Lost, Confused, without purpose and direction - Unhappy
Now swaddled in a blanket warm with peace
As I enjoy the gift you’ve given sharing it with whomever will listen
As I play just a tiny part in a new age of awareness and preparedness
Though dark souls will scoff and mock at what they do not understand or see
I will learn to be FORGIVING and KIND
Let it be

If I lose friends and loved ones along the way who’ve completed their reason or season
Protecting those sacred ties in full disclosure without lies
Although I’ll miss them dearly
Even if I don’t understand I will not be ANGRY
Let it be

Should I lose my possessions, my home, everything I call my own
So that I may appreciate and not ENVY those around me
Let it be

Perhaps I will find a companion along my path to love and grow with me
One predestined A blessing at my side
One who will remember me and help me with things I must achieve
As I return exponentially Grateful…so very grateful
Let it be

I will proclaim those things placed on my heart
I will seek truth in all things within me and around me
Understanding that although there is purpose there is also the journey
And I will waste nothing
As I hope for more each day for the world around me
Even when I am left with disappointment
Let it be

If I have done everything asked of me on this day
If I’ve spoken everything
If I’ve helped those placed in my path
Learned the lessons meant for me
If in this I’ve earned blessings bestowed that I may bask in your favor for even a moment
All praise!
Let it be

And though this life may toss and turn me
Like a tiny ship on a great, cold, dark ocean With no foreseeable beginning or end
Through torrid storms without relent or seeming purpose
I will stretch
I will bend
I will stand tall
I will not break
And I will rejoice in all
Let it Be!

And at the end of my days
If I have completed all that is required of me
Lived my life as it should be
Laughed, loved, cried
Given all that I have inside
I will close my eyes peacefully
Surrender all
As I whisper softly
I have walked in LOVE
Let my spirit
Be received
Allow me rest
Let it be

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Chasing The Wind ................

Chasing the wind that I can't see ...
But ... I can feel

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Lesson Of Time ~

When a bird is alive, it eats ants .....
When the bird is dead, ants eat the bird .....
Time and circumstances can change at any time ....
Don't devalue or hurt anyone in life ........
You may be powerful today ...
But remember ...
Time is more powerful than you ...
One tree makes a million match sticks .....
Only one  match stick ... needed to burn million tress ....
So be good and do good ...

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Iman .........

A woman needs a strong iman, not a strong man. Only with a strong iman we can go through with this life with peace.

With full of distraction comes from every angles, without a strong iman, you are nothing ...

Very funny, people always chasing things which are not worth it, but they never realize, what they actually needs is IMAN. Only with iman can save you, make you a better person and walks this life with full of faith and confident.  What ever things comes their ways, just surrender to Allah.  Only Allah .... nothing matters ........... only Allah .

Walks with faith not by sight .......

Then only you will have a blessed life ....

A blessed life is what we should be looking for ... nothing else ...

We are a traveller .... walks with full of Iman ........

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Life Is Goes On ..............

In life we all have an unspeakable secret, an irreversible regret, an unreachable dream and an unforgettable love .........

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Love is All .........

 Short Love Quotes for Him

Meeting you was fate ...
Becoming your friend was a choice ...
But ... Falling in love with you was beyond my control ...

Friday, September 6, 2013

Life is a puzzle of duality...........

" Joy and sorrow both are for each other. If it were not for joy, sorrow could not be; and if it were not for sorrow, joy could not be experienced......"

If there was no pain one would not enjoy the experience of joy. It is pain which helps one to experience joy. Everything is distinguished by its opposite. The one who feels pain deeply is more capable of experiencing joy. And personally, if you were to ask me about pain, I should say that if there was no pain life would be most uninteresting to me. For it is by pain the heart is penetrated, and the sensation of pain is deeper joy. Without pain the great musicians and poets and dreamers and thinkers would not have reached that stage which they reached and from which moved the world. If they always had joy, they would not have touched the depths of life.

There is the sun and there is the moon, there is man and woman, there is night and there is day. The colors are distinguished by their variety and so are the forms. Therefore to distinguish anything there must be its opposite; where there is no opposite we cannot distinguish. There must be health in order to distinguish illness; if there were no health and only illness then it would not have been (distinguished as) illness. ... Life is a puzzle of duality

Saturday, August 31, 2013

~ I Set Myself Free ..................

"   I'll keep on striving to be the me I am inside, even if the world doesn't yet see and accept me for that person I want to be on the outside..........."






Friday, August 30, 2013

Where Is The Solution? ...........

 This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival;
a joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and attend them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows
who violently sweep your house empty
of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honourable.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the same, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each guest has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

We look for solutions in many places,
but where is the solution?
The solution is the human heart.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

A woman’s response to “Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage” .........

began by “Wendy” ...............

I’m a woman, divorced after 7 years of marriage. I read your post and appreciate the heart behind the advice. The fact that you you recognize the part you played in the scheme of things is a feat in itself. Being able to face the past with openness and humility is admirable and not something many can, or even want, to accomplish.

Given my experience, there are some key concepts I learned in my journey as well. We women have equal responsibility in making a marriage work. For all the points mentioned for husbands, there are perhaps also some for wives I would like to share.

1. Seek counsel from older, wiser women who have succeeded in their marriages. It’s impossible to make good decisions when we’re emotional. And seeking counsel from your friends who are your own age isn’t as good as counsel from elderly women.

2. Never forget or take for granted that your man chose you.

3. Always seek out the best in him. Dwell on those things, not what you don't like about him.

4. It’s not your job to change or fix him. We are all on a journey. 

5. We are responsible for our reactions, no one else. We must take full accountability of our emotions and how we respond. And so must he.

6. Allow your man to just be. Be a comfort, be a gentle and giving spirit when the times call for it.

7. Love him in the way he needs it, not the way you assume he needs it. Find out your different love languages and be sensitive and ready to show him you love him in ways he understands best.

8. Be present. Give him your time and attention when he needs it. In my experience, during those times I did serve him, he over time, served me.

9. Be willing to have him sexually. Let him know you need his masculine presence, that you trust him fully.

10. Give him space. He needs times to find his new self (we change constantly) before he can give of himself.
11. Be vulnerable. Do not be afraid to share your fears and feelings. Men tend to know when we’re keeping things from them. And they know when we’re transparent. And, I can’t emphasize this more: acknowledge your mistakes. Say you’re sorry when you know you need to.

12. Do not be afraid to be fully transparent. This builds great trust over time.
13. Find common hobbies, goals and dreams. Also, find common ground in your faith. Never stop growing together. Laugh lots. Fall in love over and over again.
14. Don’t let financial issues come between you.
15. Forgive. Don’t let history hold you or your man hostage.
16. Always, choose love. Love is action, not emotion. Don’t miss that.

Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage .........

My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had ..........

1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3. Fall in love over and over again.  You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5. It’s not your job to change or fix heryour job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9. Be sillydon’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10. Fill her soul everydaylearn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15. Be vulnerable you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17. Never stop growing together The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end marriage isn’t about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Nothing ... but Hope ~


Though love is light it becomes darkness when its law is not understood. Just as water, which cleans all things, becomes mud when mixed with earth, so love, when not understood rightly and when directed wrongly, becomes a curse instead of bliss.

There are five chief sins against love, which turn nectar into poison.
1)  when the lover deprives the beloved of freedom and happiness against her desire, because of his love.
2)  when the lover gives way to a spirit of rivalry and jealousy or bitterness in love.
3)   if the lover doubts, distrusts, and suspects the one whom he loves.
4)   if he shrinks from enduring all the sorrows, pains, troubles, difficulties, and sufferings that come in the path of love.
5)  And finally, when the lover pursues his own will instead of complete resignation to the beloved's wish.

These are the natural failings of a loving heart, as maladies are natural to the physical body. As lack of health makes life miserable, so lack of love makes the heart wretched. Only the lover who avoids these faults benefits by love, and arrives safely at his destination.

 Love must be absolutely free from selfishness, otherwise it does not produce proper illumination. If the fire has no flame it cannot give light, and smoke comes out of it, which is troublesome. Such is selfish love.

Love lies in service. Only that which is done, not for fame or name, nor for the appreciation or thanks of those for whom it is done, is love's service.

The lover shows kindness and beneficence to the beloved. He does whatever he can for the beloved in the way of help, service, sacrifice, kindness, or rescue, and hides it from the world and even from the beloved. If the beloved does anything for him he exaggerates it, idealizes it, makes it into a mountain from a molehill. He takes poison from the hands of the beloved as sugar, and love's pain in the wound of his heart is his only joy. By magnifying and idealizing whatever the beloved does for him and by diminishing and forgetting whatever he himself does for the beloved, he first develops his own gratitude, which creates all goodness in his life.

Patience, sacrifice, resignation, strength, and steadfastness are needed in love, and ultimately nothing but hope, until one is united with the beloved. Sacrifice is needed in love to give all there is, wealth, possessions, body, heart, and soul. There remains no 'I', only 'you', until the 'you' becomes the 'I'. Where there is love there is patience, where there is no patience there is no love. The lover takes hope  the only thing that keeps the flame of life alight. Hope to the lover is the rope of safety in the sea.

 The effect of love is pain. The love that has no pain is no love. The lover who has not gone through the agonies of love is not a lover, he claims love falsely. 'What love is it that gives no pain? Even if one were crazy in love it is nothing.' The pain of love is the lover's pleasure, his very life. The lack of pain is his death.

 Everybody can speak of love and claim to love, but to stand the test of love and to bear the pain in love is the achievement of some rare hero. The mere sight of love's pain makes the coward run away from it. No soul would have taken this poison if it had not the taste of nectar.

He who loves because he cannot help it is the slave of love, but he who loves because it is his only joy is the king of love. He who, for the sake of love, loves someone who falls short of his ideal is the ruler of love. And he who can seal his heart full of love in spite of all attraction on the part of the beloved is the conqueror of love.

The heart is not living until it has experienced pain. Man has not lived if he has lived and worked with his body and mind without heart. The soul is all light, but all darkness is caused by the death of the heart. Pain makes it alive. The same heart that was once full of bitterness, when purified by love becomes the source of all goodness. All deeds of kindness spring from it.

 Rumi describes six signs of the lover: deep sigh, mild expression, moist eyes, eating little, speaking little, sleeping little, which all show the sign of pain in love. Hafiz says, 'All bliss in my life has been the outcome of unceasing tears and continual sighs through the heart of night.'

The pain of love becomes in time the life of the lover. The soreness of the wound of his heart affords him a joy that nothing else can give. The heart aflame becomes the torch on the path of the lover, which lightens his way that leads him to his destination. The pleasures of life are blinding, it is love alone that clears the rust from the heart, the mirror of the soul.

When love is for the human being it is primitive and incomplete, and yet it is needed to begin with. He can never say, 'I love God,' who has no love for his fellow man. But when love attains its culmination in God, it reaches its perfection.

Love creates love in man and even more with God. It is the nature of love. If you love God, God sends His love evermore upon you. If you seek Him by night, He will follow you by day. Wherever you are, in your affairs, in your business transactions, the help, the protection and the presence of the Divine will follow you.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Open The Door ! .....


" The soul feels suffocated when the doors of the heart are closed........"

There is a door to man's heart; it is either closed or open. When he holds a thing and says, 'This is mine,' he closes the door to his heart; but when he shares his goods with others and says, 'This is yours as well as mine,' this opens his heart. We must learn consideration for others; it does not matter whether they are rich or poor. We may have only one slice of bread, but when there is another sitting by our side we share that slice with him. 

By doing this, even if our bodily appetite remains unsatisfied, our heart is filled with joy to think that we shared our happiness with another. It is this spirit which is necessary just now to change the condition of the world, not political and commercial disputes. We must be awakened to the main truth, that the happiness and peace of each can only be the happiness and peace of all.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Self Control ............

 Let us be the master of the desire ...
Not desire be your master .........

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Be A Good Listener !

The ear is close to the heart
but not the eyes ...
So be a good listener .....
In order to be  Good .........

Monday, July 29, 2013

Are You Close To Allah ? ..........

Look at how easy or difficult it is to do different actions that are pleasing to Allah (reading qu’ran, giving sadaqa,  etc). 

If you are so happy and take great pleasure at performing these acts, and it is easy for you – this is a sign that you are close to Allah. 

If it is difficult for you and you find yourself making excuses, and it is hard for you and you literally have to drag yourself to do these acts, then know that you do not have a close relationship with Allah.’

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Never !


“  Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path… exactly where you are meant to be right now… And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing, of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love..........”

Friday, July 26, 2013



To dream anything that you want to dream. 
That’s the beauty of the human mind. 

To do anything that you want to do. 
That is the strength of the human will. 

To trust yourself to test your limits. 
That is the courage to succeed.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Deep Thoughts .........


As you mature , physically, mentally, spiritually... life seems to fly swiftly!!! and when you reach the golden years of your life... it is the time that all the memories of the past years comes back so suddenly... but then we ought to be HAPPY, because we have something to think about... JUST LAUGH AT LIFE AND YOU WILL HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY... LIVE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME...

 We no longer have to wear the masks of our youth. We can be ourselves.

 What a wonderful things to be able to look at your very own existence and realize what a gift you have been given. Then the good part… looking at that life and realizing that you have been a gift to others. Those loads of laundry that you did, the meals that you cooked for your family and friends, that house you cleaned endlessly, you know that mundane daily stuff that you sometimes dreaded has actually been an act of service that made a difference in other’s lives. (Whether they realized it or not.) 

The wisdom acquired with aging gives us the ability to not expect gratitude from others. The ability to give the gift is in itself enough. If you happen to be surrounded by family and friends how blessed you have been. You are now able to see that every problem you have encountered with those around you has led to buckets of wisdom. That wisdom is now enabling you to live with grace and just a nod to any difficulties that arise. You know that this too shall pass.

Monday, July 15, 2013

~ Selfishness ........

The relationship ended. No great reason, no explanation. Things just took a hard turn and fell apart. So, maybe looking back, there were some warning signs of problems. Communication was difficult (maybe non-existent, at times) or emotions would flare for no apparent reason. However, there was nothing significant enough to justify such a negative end to a relationship that started so well. Nothing justified actions that would cause so much hurt!

Why did they cheat? Why did they change? Why did we stop moving forward? Why did their love turn to hate? Why don’t they care about my feelings? What did I do wrong? How could they just cut me off… cold turkey? Why won’t they talk to me and allow me to have closure?

There is one word that sits at the core of all of this confusion… selfishness.

Selfishness is the root cause of many broken hearts. It is a slow flowing poison that erodes, burns, and sears the bonds of relationships. Strong relationships have a foundation that is based on the ability to grow to love. Selfishness is the direct opposite of love. Love gives, but selfishness takes.

Being selfish involves a lot of “I” and has no room for “we”. Relationships and love are about togetherness; walking together as one. It’s pretty difficult to walk together with someone who has no concern for your presence or pace. Thus, if you enter a relationship with a selfish person (or if you are a selfish person), your relationships will not last.

 6 characteristics of selfishness in a relationship:

1. Selfishness introduces conditions – Selfish people have an attitude that says, “If you, then I.” If you meet their immediate needs or desires, then they may remain in the relationship. Their focus is not on adding to the life of the one they are with. They desire to have things added unto them. The downside of this is, in their quest to be added to, they may not even realize or care how much they are cutting down (or dividing) the person they are with.

2. Selfishness breeds lies and manipulation – Selfish people have a very narrow focus. They are focused on getting what they want, when they want it. Instead of seeing others’ opinions, feelings, and desires as guides (things to consider)… they view them as obstacles (things to get around). This mindset makes it very easy for selfish people to introduce subtle forms of manipulation and lies into a relationship. Over time, as they learn more about you, the manipulation becomes strategic and they are able to get their way faster and more often.

3. Selfishness will lead to hurt – Selfish people will abuse your heart to get whatever they are ultimately seeking. Once you can no longer provide… they will leave you. Dating with selfish goals is wrong and will lead to hurt, disappointment, bitterness and delusional feelings about love.

4. Selfishness blocks the building of trust - Loving with condition is based in selfishness and selfishness will never allow you to give someone the benefit of the doubt. If you do not offer the benefit of the doubt in a relationship, you will never understand what it’s like to love freely. Instead, you will live in situations where you never trust that the other person has your best interest in mind.

 5. Selfishness has roots in insecurity – Selfish people focus on covering themselves because, deep down, they really don’t believe anyone else will truly have their back. They have deep-rooted pain that causes them to feel inadequate in some way. Instead of getting help for their pain, they overcompensate; they convince themselves and others that they are perfectly confident. Unfortunately, this causes them to think more highly of themselves than they ought to.

 6. Selfishness is impossible – When people want you to accept them as they are, but they expect you to be perfect… they are selfish. It is impossible to have a lasting relationship  if you both are not willing to learn what it means (and do what it takes) to grow together as one.

 Closing Thought:
If you realize that you have a selfish motive, or any bad motive, for desiring a relationship… take a step back and make an intentional decision to resolve the situation. In the end, you will avoid hurting someone else, or even yourself. Always date with integrity. People were not created by God to be used to numb our personal pain or to be our “right now” while we wait for Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

~ A World of Secrets ~

The believer does not suffer from something called psychiatric diseases. That is because he/she lives in acceptance and harmony with all that is happening to him, whether it is good or evil. He/she is just like a passenger of a plane who has full confidence in the pilot, that he cannot go wrong because he has ultimate knowledge and skills of controlling a plane. He will fly it efficiently in all circumstances and will pass by storms, heat, cold, ice and fog.     

In such a plane, and with full confidence in the pilot, he can sleep in his chair in complete contentment and tranquility. He does not shiver or shake if the plane falls into turbulence, or staggers in a turn, or tends towards a mountain. He knows that all those things happen by the pilot’s will and under his knowledge, and that they happen with wisdom behind them and for a purpose of greater safety. Everything is being masterminded, and every event is predestined, and there is nothing more perfect than what has already been predestined. That is why he gives himself fully to the pilot without accountability or arguing. He has full confidence in him; that is why he stretches in his chair with full serenity, in a state of complete trust.   

That is the same sense of confidence the believer has with his Lord, Who drives the ship of destiny, controls the course of events, leads the huge universe, and runs galaxies in their orbits and suns in their rising and setting.     

Everything that is happening to him, which he has no power over, is eventually good. If he has an illness and medicine fails to treat him, he says to himself, “This is good!” If his plants burn because of drought and all his means fail to avoid the disaster, he says to himself, “This is good, Allah (SWT) will provide me with something better.” If he fails in love, he says, “Failed love is better than a failed marriage.” If his marriage fails, then he says, “All praise be to Allah!  Loneliness is better than bad company.” If his business goes bankrupt, he says, “All praise be to Allah. Perhaps Allah knows that wealth is bad for me, and that worldly earns will make me lose in the Hereafter. And if someone dear to him passes away, he says, “All praise be to Allah, Allah (SWT) is worthier of our life than we are of it and He is the only One Who knows whether it is good or bad for us to live longer. All Glory be to Him, He is not questioned about what He decrees.”     

The believer’s slogan is always: 
 “But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you, and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth, and ye know not.”  (TMQ, 2:216).

He always has comfort in his heart, with a tranquil soul, seeing by the light of his inner insight that the world is a place for tests and affliction, and it is just a temporary resting spot and not a permanent home. It is a temporary shelter which will be completely removed with its good and evil. Only those who show patience and gratefulness are the winners.          

The believer's heart cannot be invaded by an evil obsession, nor is his soul troubled by any scruple. That is because his soul is always busy with the remembrance of The Almighty, The Most-Merciful, and his heart always whispers: Allah…..Allah…with each pulse. The Satan cannot find a step or a dark corner in such a heart to creep in.   

It is a heart that cannot be moved by calamities or shaken by disasters because it is firmly established in the seat of Truth, which never changes or alters. 

The believer gives different names to all psychiatric diseases that psychiatrists talk about. For him/her repression is called sticking to chastity…..                    Deprivation is a spiritual development….Feeling guilty is piety….  Fear (which is fear from Allah) is a protector from slipping into sin. Suffering is the way to wisdom and grief leads to knowledge. 

Desires are steps of a ladder that the believer climbs over through suppressing them. He triumphs over his desires by reining them in to reach the status of serenity and spiritual strength.    

Insomnia is a gift from Allah, as the night in which the believer cannot sleep can be spent in remembrance of Allah. Spending the night with Allah is a special blessing that the believer should be thankful for; not complaining or seeking for a tranquilizer. Furthermore, if s/he remains awake till dawn, this offers him/her a chance to make his/her dawn prayer which is a great grace.     

In addition, going through feelings of remorse sometimes allow the believer to reflect, return to the truth and go back to Allah. Even pain, including physical and psychological, is considered as a divine aid by which the believer can resist the lure of the worldly life and renounce it.

Despair, carrying a grudge and envy are psychiatric diseases which the believer never suffers. Furthermore, he is capable of overcoming hatred, the urges for revenge and retaliation through forgiveness, pardoning and tolerance. He does not get enraged except to defend one who has been oppressed and help him/her attain justice; he never practices violence except to overcome an oppressor.  

The prevailing feelings that overwhelm the believer are cordiality, mercy, patience, gratitude, forbearance, compassion, gentleness, forgiveness, acceptance and contentment. Being occupied with such positive feelings, the believer develops a state in which there is no place for psychiatric diseases or psychiatry.

For the believer, the worshiped idols such as wealth, sex, prestige and authority are all demolished, and are no longer able to fragment hisher emotions, or distract hisher attention. Hence the believing soul can attain focus to unite its energy. Here the fog of desires clears, the vision becomes lucid, eddies calm down and tranquility prevails. As a consequence the believer gains more control over hisher own self, becoming more able to lead it as he turns from slavery to hisher own self to be free, and that is all because of the believer’s profound understanding of Monotheism: (there is no God except Allah (SWT). Besides, heshe realizes that there is no ruler, or controller or owner of the creation except only One, thus heshe is freed of the fear of any tyrant and any master. For him/her, even death is seen as liberty and pleasant journey to meet with the beloved.             

The soul is different due to faith and becomes protected from psychiatric diseases. It is ascended to such a status by faith, obedience and worship, to the extent that its choices become as the same as what Allah chooses for it and its inclination is the same as what Allah pleases.                       

Narcissism and selfishness melt and no longer exist in such a faithful soul, thus it becomes a working tool and a hand executing the will of The Lord.                                                                                                                
Such a believing soul is never afflicted by depression as it is always optimistic, having certain faith that there is no distress with the presence of Allah, and that justice can be achieved as long as there is Allah, The Utterly Just. For the believer, the door of hopefulness is always open as long as The All Able is alive and he never dies.
The believing soul is in permanent childish astonishment from the signs of divine power all around. A believer feels ecstasy of the beauty he can see in everything. He can see the traces of The Creator’s creativity in major galaxies as in minor atoms and micro electrons. The larger the scientific domain expands, the wider the area of fascination gets, and the ecstasy multiplies. That is why the believing soul does not know weariness, or apathy, or depression.
The grief of the believing soul is luminous. It is filled with hopefulness. In the hardest times of pain and tragedy, this soul never gives up hope and thinking well of Allah (SWT); that leads it to feel secure all the time, because it believes that Allah (SWT)  is always there.  For this soul, nothing saddens it more than its own deficiencies, shortcomings and sins; not the deficiencies or shortcomings of others.  However, its deficiencies do not discourage it from striving to reform its flaws.  Thus it is engaged in continuous Jihad (struggle), continuous climbing up the tree of sins to get out of the cone shadow to the light spreading at the top of the tree. From that light, the soul is given life; not from the thick mud at the bottom of the tree.

Thus this soul is in fighting for existence, and always engaging in a war of internal purification. However, it is a calm and confident conflict, which never disturbs its tranquility or dispels its serenity.  That is because it has certainty that it fights its internal flaws with the power of Allah (God) (SWT), not by its own power. That soul’s feeling of being in permanent companionship with Allah never deserts it. That is the reason why this soul feels lasting security despite the inside fighting against ghosts of defeat and forces of nihilism….it is not fighting alone.
That is the biggest jihad (struggle) that occupies the believing soul and protects it from being occupied by trivialities, complaints and little pains; it also preserves it from obsession on its own self, lamenting itself or celebrating its talents. It is busy by going beyond itself and ascending over it. It is always in a continuous journey of exit; a journey of ascension and going beyond itself. The constitution of this soul is: to always resist what you desire and bear what you dislike. 

The feelings of this soul flow smoothly in complete harmony with the universe, perfectly compatible with its laws, easily adapted to the changes that exist. Tolerance and natural simplicity are deeply rooted in such a soul; it seeks friendship with everything, and its perfect ideal is Prophet Muhammad (SAWS) while he was embracing Mount Uhud saying, “This is the mountain which loves us and we love it.” (Muslim) Thus comprehensive love is the root of all feelings of the believing soul. It is in permanent reconciliation with nature, with destiny and with Allah.
Such a soul never suffers solitude when being alone; on the contrary it enjoys a magnificent feeling of being in the company of Allah. For this soul, loneliness does not mean emptiness, or silence; it is rather busyness in being engaged in a rich and precious internal dialogue and a deep feeling of the luminous presence of Allah (SWT) all around.  This cannot be loneliness, but rather a secure embrace. The only torment for this soul is its sin, and when it suffers separation and distance from The Creator. It is an agony that can be relieved by the soul’s profound faith in Allah’s forgiveness, generosity, and His love of those who repent and pray for forgiveness.
The nearest the soul comes to its Lord is when it is prostrating itself before Him; that is when the believing soul melts in love and humility to Allah. One of the patrons of Allah said, “We are enjoying a pleasure (of closeness to Allah), which if the kings taste, they would fight us to attain it!” However, the kings are so far from experiencing such a pleasure, while they are sinking in the worldly life, imprisoned in its materialistic pleasures.

Religion, obedience and jihad are the only way for the believing soul to be born again and get out of its mud cocoon. There is no other way for its birth; as science breeds conceit, art breeds nothing except idolization. Thus, only religion is the incubator in which the soul grows and reaches its target. Among scientists there may be some with mental illness, busy in inventing devastating weapons and poisonous gas. Among artists, there may be some deifying themselves and drowning in sensory pleasures. Religion alone is the path for the soul to attain integrity, salvation and healing.
The believing soul is always active, energetic and working to serve and help others. Its contemplation and worship never cut it off from being engaged in people’s everyday lives. You can see it in streets, markets and crowdedness of livelihood. That is because it sees work as an aspect of worship; and sweat and toil are the treatment and cure of the diseases of luxury, laziness and idleness.
The life of such a soul is a journey of longing for Allah, a trip of gaining knowledge and a message of helping others. Working is its gate to mental health. Its ultimate hope is to still be able to work until the last breath, and to die while planting a tree, building a wall or lighting a candle. Such a soul is a lifeboat, and it is protected from any psychiatric disease. It has no need of these days' medicine as its life is truly a prescription of happiness.
(Source:  “A World of Secrets”, by Dr. Mustafa Mahmoud)