Monday, July 25, 2011

~ Lessons Life Taught Me ~

1. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
2. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
3. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch

4. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
5. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
6. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

7. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
8. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
9. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

10. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
11. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.
12. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

13. Get rid of anything that isn't useful.
14. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
15. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

16. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
17. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
18. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

19. The most important sex organ is the brain.
20. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
21. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

22. Always choose life.
23. Forgive everyone everything.
24. What other people think of you is none of your business.

25. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
26. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
27. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

28. Believe in miracles.
29. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
30. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

31. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
32. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's,
we'd grab ours back.
33. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

34. The best is yet to come.
35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
36. Yield.
38. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Saturday, July 23, 2011

~ Persistence ~

Is it time for you to give up and quit?

Most meaningful endeavors in life come with challenges. Marriages, businesses, getting an education, raising children and self-improvement are all things that are important, but aren’t always easy.

Giving up is an option. I know I’ve considered quitting just about everything I’ve ever started at one point or another. Surrendering to the challenges sure seems tempting sometimes.

Of course, successful people will tell you that persistence is the key to winning. Giving up is the only sure way to failure.

Persistence is defined as the ability to continue firmly in your purpose, despite the opposition you are feeling. It takes courage and backbone to be persistent.

When I feel like giving up, I look at these 5 rules to motivate me to be more persistent :

1. Breakthroughs happen everyday ;

" When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. "
~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

It does seem to me that breakthroughs occur just after the darkest period in any endeavor. Of course, giving up is certain failure. Stick it out one more day. Don’t look out too far toward the horizon, but instead ask yourself, “What will it take to make it through today?” Who knows what tomorrow might bring?

2. Surge to the finish line ;

" Nothing could be worse than the fear that one had given up too soon, and left one unexpended effort that might have saved the world. "
~ Jane Addams

I think those that succeed have the uncanny ability to summon their second wind when things seem their bleakest. Maybe it is the eternal optimism they hold inside. Maybe it is undying confidence. Maybe it is a fear of failure. Whatever the case, dig deep for another push toward your goal and you might just win big!

3. The moment is yours ;

" If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down. "
~ Mary Pickford

Face every day as if it is a new day. It is another chance to go out and make happen what you want to happen. I know this is true because I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life. If there was no such thing as a second chance, then I’d be homeless, lonely and destitute! Embrace your opportunity to start fresh this moment.

4. Adopt a survivor mentality ;

" Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else. "
~ Brian Tracy

Make the other guy give up! You aren’t going to be the one to give in first are you? Usually the person that sticks to their guns the longest will be the ultimate victor. Remember the motto from the television show Survivor? It is time for you to “Outwit, Outlast and Outplay” your opposition!

5. Never forget the tortoise ;

" It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop."
~ Confucius

Remember the tortoise from The Tortoise and the Hare? He was painfully slow, but he never quit and he ended up winning. Sometimes we can get discouraged because things aren’t moving as fast as we want. In this case, our expectations become self-defeating. Don’t worry about how slow things are going, just be sure they keep moving!

Friday, July 22, 2011

~ Memories ~

Life brings tears, smiles and memories.
The tears dry,
the smile fades
but the memories live on forever.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

~ Marriage ~

Needs In Marriage ..........

I think people expect too much from marriage today. They expect perfection. Every moment should be a bliss. That´s TV or movies. But that is not the human experience.

When you were married, you and your spouse both promised to care for each other, and you expected that care from each other. You were in love, and you were highly motivated to make each other happy. But it might not have occurred to you at the time that if you didn't care for each other the right way, you might lose your love for each other. And along with your loss of love, you might lose your willingness to care for each other.

At the time, you probably did not know what caring for each other the right way meant. You thought that your commitment to care for each other would be sufficient to sustain your love. Even today, you may still be in the dark as to what it takes to care for each other the right way.

To care the right way, you must make large Love Bank deposits. And I've found that the best way to make those deposits is to meet each other's most important emotional needs.

What is an emotional need? It is a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. There are probably thousands of emotional needs, and it varies from one person to the other. If you feel good doing something, or if someone does something for you that makes you feel good, an emotional need has been met.

But not all emotional needs are created equally. When some are met, you may only feel comfortable--they make small Love Bank deposits. There are others, however, that can make you feel downright euphoric. In fact they make you so happy that you're likely to fall in love with the person that meets them. I call those our most important emotional needs because they make the largest Love Bank deposits of all. And those are the very same emotional needs that a husband and wife expect each other to meet in marriage.

Once those needs are identified, it helps them learn to meet those needs for each other. Make the largest deposits possible into each other's Love Banks. If all goes well, they begin making those large deposits and eventually they are in love with each other.

When I first learnt using this approach to saving marriages, I didn't know what made people the happiest in marriage -- I didn't know what emotional needs would be the most important. So I had to ask men and women that question, "What could your spouse do for you that would make you the happiest?"

As spouses explained what they wanted most, I classified their desires into emotional need categories. And almost all those I interviewed described one or more of only ten emotional needs as being most important to them (admiration, affection, conversation, domestic support, family commitment, financial support, honesty and openness, physical attractiveness, recreational companionship and sexual fulfillment). Very few ever named a most important emotional need that was not included in this list of ten.

I also made a revolutionary discovery that helped me understand why husbands and wives tended not to meet each other's most important emotional needs. Whenever I asked couples to list their needs according to what they needed most, men would list them one way and women the opposite way. Of the 10 emotional needs, the five listed as most important by men were usually the five least important for women, and vice-versa.

What an insight! It is no wonder that husbands and wives have so much difficulty meeting each other's needs: They lack empathy. They are willing to do for each other what they appreciate the most, but it turns out that their efforts are misdirected. What they appreciate the most, their spouses appreciate the least!

Everyone is unique. While men on average pick a particular set of five emotional needs as their most important and women on average pick another set of five, any given man or woman can and do pick various combinations of the ten.

When they meet those needs for each other, they create the greatest happiness, and trigger a mutual feeling of love.

~ Good Marriage ~

" Married people should be best friends; no relationship on earth needs friendship as much as marriage...

Friendship in marriage is so important. It blows away the chaff and takes the kernel, rejoices in the uniqueness of the other, listens patiently, gives generously, forgives freely.
Friendship will motivate one to cross the room one day and say 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.' it will not pretend perfection nor demand it. It will not insist that both respond exactly the same in every thought and feeling, but it will bring to the union honesty, integrity. There will be repentance and forgiveness in every marriage--every good marriage--and respect and trust....."

~ Integrity ~

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word .
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally .
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions .
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best .
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret."

Sunday, July 10, 2011

~ A Real Sad Story ~

(taken this story from a blog of a friend, a sad story that needs a deep thoughts ....)

The year i turn 26, I met this guy who was my colleague. We partied quite a bit together and soon we fell in love. We do things that are quite extreme.... party like there is no tomorrow, on fridays and taking long quiet walks along the beach on Saturday. But this guy was 10 years older than me and a divorcee. Anyway, soon my parents found out about our relationships and were not exactly happy about it. So one day, while talking to my dad about him, we broke into a quarrel.... I was always the rash sort, and the fight didn't end like usual, I threaten to leave home if they are against the relationship. My dad was not known for even temper as well. In the end, I packed my things and left home.

I went to his home, call him and if I could stay at his place. But soon found out that he actually have a wife at home. Things started to fall apart, I was homeless, devastated and lost. I checked into a hotel, and decided that I should leave this place of bad memories. I quit my job in the bank the next morning, left for Australia without a notice, thinking that I would be able to start my life afresh in a foreign land.

I got there, rented a place and started looking for a job. There were times I really missed my family, but my pride prevented me from calling home. Because of my financial position, I decided not to rent a place in town, as I do not know how long it would take for me to find another job.

So one day, while walking along a small road to go to the neighbourhood milk bar, a car came along the side of me and grab me into the car. Someone hit me on my head, and I could not remember anything else. When I woke up, I was tied with my hand to my back, and blindfolded. I was afraid.... all I know was a few men were taking their turns on me.

I scream and scream, but all I could heard was laughters from them. After a while I lost time. I do not know what's happening or no longer felt anything anymore. All I can feel was pain inflicted to me, monstrous laughter and I have no more strength to struggle anymore.

A long time pass, and I was chloroformed. The next time I know was that I woke up at the side of the road, where I was pulled into the car. My dress was torn and I was naked waist down. I just sat on the road side, too pain to walk, and too confuse to know what to do next.

Someone must have called the police, a car came and picked me up and send me to the hospital. The police took my statement, tried to get me to describe the whole event, all I could do was cry and all I wanted to do is to sleep. After 2 days, I was discharge. I had a very bruised rib and my virginal had 6 stitches. I was lost in my mind and not knowing what to do. I finally decided to packed up my stuff and go home.

That was 4 years ago. I was hoping that all the unhappy things in life would be left in that foreign land, and if life has been to such a stage, it could only go up. Through the 1 year i was in Australia, I never once called home, even though I wanted to very much. I guess my stubborn nature took charge of everything when you are young and bashful. So anyway, when I came home, I still did not go home, I rented a studio apartment, determined not to go home.

What make it worst was that I visited a gynea here, and was adviced to go for some tests.The result didn't came out too good, first, I was tested HIV positive, and second, i was pregnant. I tried to kill myself that night. I bought a bottle of sleeping pills, when back to my apartment, swallow the whole thing, and went to sleep.

I did not remember what happen after that, but the next thing I knew, I was in hospital, my parents were beside me. Apparently I had called my mother just before I slept. They took me home after, provided me with shelter, love and tender care, just like when I was young... They were so willing to accept me, even though I'm a HIV positive carrier.

Anyway, I gave birth to a lovely girl. I do not know why I didn't abort it. I just felt that it was a life in me, even though I did not chose it must have been fate that she come into me. Unfortunately, she was also HIV positive, and hers came into fullblown about 6 months later. She did not live long enough to blow out the only candle I had so wish to put on her cake.

Now I'm just sitting at home, enjoying my parents constant attention, love and tender care. I know too that I'm waiting for my time to come. The last test wasn't too good. I regretted getting angry at my dad, and if I hadn't, nobody would have been so hurt, and I would not have been in such a stage. People in my stage no longer dare to make any wishes anymore. We don't look forward to anything, or even dare to wish for anything. I do not know how to put it across. But it is not a good feeling when you are just sitting in the room, waiting for death to visit eventually.

My only hope is that when he finally visit, he would make it a fast one. I do not know why I'm writing all this, but if one day, my parents happen to stumped into this website, this is what i want to say. "Papa and mama, thanks for all the love and tender care you have shown me, i know my life is wasted, and i would not be able to repay your kindness anymore. I wish i have a second chance. and I love you both very much."

Friday, July 8, 2011

~ Live Your Life ~

Blame is a condition of the mind, where
Love is a condition of the heart,
Choose to live your life from the heart ...

~ Be Kind To Yourself ~

There will always be times when it's hard to remember your strengths.
These are the times when you need to give yourself
special attention.

Be kind to yourself…
Kindness nurtures and gives hope to growing dreams.

Respect yourself…
Listen to your needs, and treat yourself as you would to a friend.

Encourage yourself…
Remember what you truly want, and fight for it as you would
for your life.

Appreciate yourself…
Don't take for granted the qualities that make you unique.

Focus yourself…
It is with discipline and motivation that you will move towards your goals.

Be giving towards yourself…
In that way, your strength will thrive,
and you'll be realizing your goals a day at a time.