| Soulmates: Two people who are very compatible with each other in disposition, point of view, and sensitivity. Those who use this term in regard to primary relationships view it as a way of describing those who are meant for each other in a very special and unique way--almost as if they were spiritually or mystically connected. |  |
What Kind of Soulmate Are You?
Not everyone is a hopeful romantic. Just as there are different types of personalities an temperments, we human beings seem to gravitate toward one of four clearly identifiable relationship approach types. We can't help it. Whatever the factors that go into shaping our view of love from childhood through adulthood; we still find ourselves clearly manifesting the characteristics below.
Look over the four types of soulmates. You may not be able to immediately identify yourself or your mate, so take some time to consider which one fits best. After doing this, take a further look at the other types. Perhaps you will be able to identify your mate. How do these soulmate types interact with each other? What would it be like for two people of the same type to be with each other? Could those who are so different from each other still be referred to as "soulmates?"
After you've read the basic descriptions of the soulmate types, stay with us to consider some other important insights.
The Romantic Soulmate...
- Seeks permanence and completeness in a loving, caring relationship.
- Feels a stronger sense of self-identity resulting from the relationship which produces fulfillment.
- Shares all aspects of life as expressions of togetherness from the mundane to the major.
- Focuses on finding ideas and ways to enhance the intensity and quality of the relationship.
- Views sharing love and life with another as the best possible way to change and grow.
- Senses completeness only when sharing self with another in a primary relationship.
- Perceives sharing dreams, plans, and projects as the means of demonstrating love.
- Sees intimate relationships as a way for two people to mutually improve and find purpose in their lives together.
- Sees consistency, faithfulness, and loyalty as the finest expression to demonstrate love to another.
- Values the other person's individuality by being available without feeling a need to always lead.
- Focuses on refining the relationship which results in a greater sense of self-worth.
- Emphasizes the importance of both being dependable in the context of the relationship.
- Views a primary relationship as a partnership for each to help the other reach their full potential.
- Accepts their mates as seperate individuals and need the same kind of acceptance for themselves.
- Values his/her own autonomy and is sensitive to any hint of being controlled or coerced by others.
- Enjoys the intensity and novelty of the experience of love.-
Romantics-love to demonstrate their love and affection to and for their mates. However, the warning here is that, even when matched with another romantic, no one can tolerate such attention on a continual basis. The "24X7 Romantic" will seem absolutely wonderful at first (especially to someone who has been alone for awhile) but then begin to wear on the other person.
Independents are especially sensitive to this as they begin to feel guilty that they cannot return the love from a romantic as quickly or often as it is given to them (they will even misinterpret it as being controlled). As one woman expressed it, "One gets tired of lobster and crab legs after awhile. Most of us are more comfortable with a good hamburger."
The idea here is for the romantics to learn how to balance their tendency to continually do special and nice things for their beloveds within the context of normal, everyday living. Be romantic but give lovers room to breathe is essential.
The bottom line is that romantics can overwhelm their partners to such a degree that they are not able to respond with any real confidence. Making someone else feel inadequate is destructive to a relationship.
True romantics know how to give their lovers just enough loving attention to keep them going strong. Keeping that balance proves the romantic's natural capability to keep their soulmates coming back for more.
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Sharers are those who look for their soulmates first when they get home from work to talk and hear all about what happened throughout the day. They want their mates to be their business partners--or at least heavily involved in their ventures. Every good thing (e.g. an unexpected bonus or the receipt of a new credit card) must be shared with their loves. Conversely, they share all of the bad things, too; disappointments, hurts, sorrows, negative experiences, etc.
In fact, if they are not careful, their mates can get bogged down with all of the problems of their sharing mates to the point of serious frustration. Sharers have to work harder than the other soulmate types to keep some things to themselves (biting their lips) so as not to frustrate their mates. Also, it is difficult for them to understand how a romantic might not want to hear all about how bad things are going at work while on a night out together--or how an independent might respond to the same with leaving them standing alone in the midst of telling their mate about it. Be one who shares all of the good things but discipline yourself to bite your lip when it comes to telling your mate about the negative things you deal with. Of course, sharing some of these things is fine--but not continually. It's just one more way that you can really demonstrate your love to your soulmate.
Constants demonstrate their love by such things as keeping the house clean, making dinner, running errands for their mates, or bringing home the paycheck. This is the soulmate who would never allow themselves to go outside of their relationship for sexual gratification. They are faithful, loyal, and true to their loves. That being said, they can tend to be somewhat undemonstrative in the way they show affection. Furthermore, being romantic can be a problem for them. After all (as goes their thinking), "I take care of her and she can go buy anything she wants to; anytime she wants to. Why should I do all of that silly romantic stuff when she darn well knows I love her?" The idea here is for constants to realize that their mates need demonstrative affection and regular romance just like everyone else. Locate resources to help you such as books filled with romantic ideas (e.g. Michael Webb's "The roMANtic") and you can also take advantage of the many good web sites on the subject, such as this one, which provide you with enough ideas and tools to out-romance even the best romantic.
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Independents are the antipathy of romantics. Their approach to a primary relationship is one of protecting their independency; even at the expense of the relationship if necessary. The need to keep a halo of space around them which cannot be too deeply penetrated. This is difficult to understand by the other soulmate types. Only another independent would find such an approach to love as being natural and comfortable when in a relationship with a same-type soulmate.
Yet, independents can be very enjoyable and exctiting people with whom to be involved. They are continually seeking ways to accomplish goals and projects. Their careers are their first loves. Should their chosen vocation or ongoing projects be the kind that their mates are truly interested in, all of the factors that involve them (e.g. going to the best restaurants to have dinners with a client or enjoying an evening out with another couple in the same business) can be a source of entertainment and, better yet, provide a bond between the independent and his/her soulmate. However, independents need to be careful that they are at least receptive to the demonstrations of love from their partners, if not as good at initiating them in the first place. Work hard at your labors of love but take the time needed (and a little more thrown in for good measure) to spend quality time with your love.
Pulling All of This Together...
Space prohibits us from expanding upon all of the many facets and factors that occur when the four soulmate types mix and match with each other. In short, romantics and independents have to work harder than the rest to have a successful relationship. Sharers and constants can get along very well as long as they don't get in a contest to outdo each other. Two Romantics can make a powerful match as long as they don't burn each other out. Constants and Independents can get along fine as long as they both work harder at such things as showing affection and making sure they schedule time for each other. Independents can be most supportive of each other's interests as long as they don't completely ignore or alienate each other.
The main consideration here is that many people have good relationships and do not consider themselves to be soulmates. However, the point is that those who do strongly sense that their's is a very special relationship and would qualify as being true "soulmates" are motivated to work at developing and maintaining the best possible relationship between them and their loves.
Perhaps the bottom line is not which soulmate type you are as much as how willing you are to identify your approach to a primary relationship and your determination to work at it on an ongoing basis.
Whatever your soulmate type, rest assured that there is someone for everyone. None of us are perfect matches but we can enjoy a very good match if we determine within ourselves to either find the right person or truly learn everything we can about the one we are already with. A good soulmate is someone we know that we are meant to love and be loved in return. Finding such a person does not happen too many times in life. Only those who seek will find.
Love happens...Relationships take time and work.
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