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Sunday, November 6, 2011

~ Searching .... Wondering ..... Surrender ...~


" Whoever does not find happiness in the remembrance of Allah, prayer, and reciting the Qur'an, will not find it anywhere else " -Hasan Al Basri(rahimuallah)....



I hold to these words tightly and keep in my heart. To help me grow and stay alive .....
For years ... I'm trying to figure out .. what is missing in my life ! ....
Marriage is not easy ... further more being a second wife ... you have to sacrifice in order to survive .. you have to swallow whatever comes your way, coz you are the second wife ... no power .. you got to take all the blames ... no matter what.....

The impact for being in these circumstances ... drives me crazy ... enough is enough ...
For years, I hide all these suffering from my family and friends ... showed them the fake smile ....
When everything comes to the surface ... everybody asks me .. Why do I stay ? .. What take you so long ? ..

As a muslim woman .. I place Allah above everything else ... whatever actions or every words that I speak ..... I gave a deep thoughts before I proceed ... I fear Allah more than anything else ! ... I want to be a good woman !...

People can say mean and harsh things .... and you can rise above the nastiness. When you feel as though you are the only candle in the wilderness and everyone is trying to blow out your flame, and the one person who should protect the flame is also trying to blow it out, you lose confidence....

I’m not angry anymore. I just simply don’t care. I love my children, and don’t want to lose them. But, I don’t care about this person to whom I am tied for the rest of my life...... when he walked out the door ... I realize ... its the end of my journey with him ....



Life must goes on ... I surrender to you Allah ...

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